All The World's A Stage

lyrical truth

2010-11-23T02:14:00.002Z

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry.

You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world.
I wish I was special,
You're so fuckin' special.

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.

I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special.

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever you want.
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here.

I don't belong here......

creep
-radiohead-

for my father

2010-04-11T16:29:00.011+01:00

I remember......

...I must have been no more than 5,sitting in the hall with you on the carpet,playing with this multi-coloured toy set from Kathy's Toys, and Aretha Franklin was playing in the background.

...staying back in school for band practise and you walking over from the hospital with a packet of fried rice to give to me.

...you and me jogging around Padang Timur, me clearly struggling to keep up with your laps... motivated solely by the fact that there would be a gorgeous Rootbeer float at the end of it.

...reading the newspaper comic strips with you on the couch.

...you playing air guitar to Springsteen.

...the hospital trips to Langkawi and Camerons

...you taking me to see Yentl.... all i remember from that was this massive screen and a shot of some bridge... How old was I?? 4?5?

...all of us going to Rex cinema in KL at some ungodly hour at night and trying to buy tickets for Jurassic Park. Do you remember that????

...you taking me to see Indiana Jones in the cinema as a child. I think that was my first movie in the cinema. Thank you for bringing Spielberg into our lives!

...you taught me how to sketch the human face and form.

...sharpening my pencils for me before the school tests.

...when I was interested in supernatural phenomena and the extra-terrestial, you bought me beautiful books on them, and when I was into basketball, you got my Michael Jordan's biography.

...you and mummy taking me to Swensen's Ice-cream parlour after my Primary 2 prize-giving ceremony.

...the red BMX that 'magically appeard' on Christmas night... in the front porch. I still don't know how you managed that!

...the stupendous display of fireworks that you and mummy put on for us every year throughout our childhood.

...you sitting on the carpet and sowing ribbons into my ballet shoes.

...you being the only father sitting in on Parent's Day at ballet class.

...thinking to myself when you were walking out (tie and shirt and all)with me,in Form 2,-
"This is my dad.... tall, elegant, brilliant!!!" I remember feeling really proud and safe walking next to you.

...and the memories go on and on.....ad nauseum ad infinitum.

You truly are a unique individual,father,husband,doctor.....
you are my renaissance man.

HAPPY,BLESSED BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

it's complicated

2010-02-10T11:49:00.003Z

"Life is beautiful,but its complicated."Those are lyrics from a song that are so true....and at this point in time,reflect my thoughts on life,in a nutshell.

As we get older, aren't we supposed to be figuring things out and ironing out creases of doubt and insecurities, making decisions, making choices, moving forward and learning how to let go.....well that's what I thought as a teenager anyways and I remember impatiently waiting to graduate to adulthood,under the working impression that in that 'grown-up future' I coveted so, I would have life sorted... well most of it at least.

Now in my late twenties,I'm thinking "FUCK!!! How deluded was I??!!"

1. I am still cloaked in doubt and insecurities,just cunningly masked as false bravado.

2.Possessing the autonomy to make decisions and choices unfortunately can only be relished if you know what it is you want,and well..... if you don't know then, it has the disastrous potential to set off a chain reaction of fuck-ups.

3.As for moving forward and letting go... haha easier said than done,especially for someone who hates change.That's a sign of autism I believe?! I have had a pretty awesome run so far.... the unbelieveable spectrum of people I've met, the cities I've lived in, the friends I've made, the sights and sounds I've been witness to.. so on and so forth.... and as contradicting as I realise this sounds,I wish none of it ended!

Being home this Decemeber passed just added fuel to the fire. It was the best and worst time I've had ever. I realised that there are somethings/situations that just refuse to be let go off. There is an inexplicable axis that we revolve around and gravitate towards...we always have and probably always will.
All the talks, and arguements and tantrums, the face painting, the shopping and the dinners, the beers and the laughter, the games of pool and the dancing,the lazy afternoons on the couch,the drunken mumblings and midnight drives,Herbie Hancock and Joni Mitchell and afternoon drives in the rain,chapatis and Coke beverages gone to waste,late night penthouse ramblings with S&C,Indiana Jones monopoly because you knew I'd get a kick out of it.....

There are about a dozen other little things I remember..... I wish I didn't, that I couldn't ... but I do...so there.

I hope that one day in place of doubt, I will find faith
In place of insecurity,confidence and edge,
That the choices I decide to make will keep me true to myself, and finally....
That we will one day find a truce, whatever it may be.

-Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.
We barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.-

122009/012010

2010-01-06T14:22:00.000Z

spoons/hospitals/pool/moe/waikiki/tropicana/holmes/dr parnassus/tie-check/midnight mass/lazy afternoons under the porch and on the couch/christmas presents/conversations on a swing/gabriel/will you miss me-must you ask/getting down with the locals in masjid india/sheevan/hair sniffing/beers and a battle of the sexes in a penthouse with a view/carolling with a sweep of fringe/indiana jones monopoly/rose/runner up in scene it/cathy/lost in translation with a old town tailor/CIMB bank ....your husband??/the happy noise of christmas at daisy's/donovan/scattered purple hues/laughter and newly christened camera whores at rose's parents'/NYE satay and stories of yesteryear at rose's brother's/gerard/blackjack till the break of dawn/mamak after midnight/alex/tiger died/new year-same situation/glad to have been present/wish it could last/no regrets

for those who get it.....really get it!

2009-08-10T13:54:00.005+01:00

The following post is what happens when 2 old friends burn the hours of the night away,online, exchanging video clips of TRULY LEGENDARY collaborations between some of the most ingenious individuals.....the rest I will leave for The Boss to speak on....

(Moe... here's to rock and roll.... at its best ;))

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE.....

jackson and a different five

2009-07-29T15:33:00.010+01:00

......written with much love,for Cathy,Moe,Sheevan and Donovan.......

As with previous trips home,this time round was nothing short of awesome.... the "Man I really don't want this to end" kinda awesome. It was a Friday night, and a significant number of APM members had just attended the production of "The Phantom of the Opera",a valiant effort by the students of Beaconhouse school. The highlight of the evening was however undoubtedly Cathy and Gabriel's performance of the soundtrack ....friggin flawless!!!

Following that, a few of us adjourned to an old haunt,Asia Cafe for games of pool to be had. An hour passed, balls were being pocketed, or not (in my case), beers were being sipped, jokes were being made and then out of nowhere it happened...... 2 notes of music bolted across the pool hall that catapulted Cathy and me out of our seats. I say this without exaggeration- it really felt like a bolt of lightning when we heard it- DIRTY DIANA!!! And then the staff did the unthinkable and switched CDs halfway......to techno at that!!!! Who does something like that?????
MICHAEL JACKSON got dismissed for Techno.... again.... WHO DOES THAT???!!!!

Anyways,Cathy and I were not impressed... not at all..... and I very nicely requested that they please play that song.... let the WHOLE song play. Those who know me well enough know that I'm not one of those people who go up requesting for songs or demanding change of CDs.... but this had to be done....it was a knee-jerk reflex!!!

They eventually found the CD, and played the song.... and then next song came on and it was Billie Jean..... and the next was Smooth Criminal... and it went on and on hohohoh JACKPOT!!! Thank you Asia Cafe dude. All's forgiven:)

In the midst of this,I took a step back....and there we were, Cathy and me dancing in between shots, Sheevan,Moe and Donovan.
5 good friends..... catching up around the pool table,and
Michael Jackson electrifying the air.

...now that is PERFECTION!!!

time to say goodbye

2009-07-29T14:39:00.003+01:00

Man,its been awhile.... and alot has happened in 'awhile'. Completed my second year of residency,got a hair cut, said goodbye to Glasgow, went home for abit,moved to Melbourne...... all in the space of 1 year.

So yes- I truly truly enjoyed my training in the UK.It was amazing and shitty and fun and difficult and manic and sad and everything in between.It was the ultimate love-hate relationship and IT ROCKED!!!! I went from a timid,not so confident,totally wet behind the ears junior doctor to a more out-spoken,comfortable in my own skin, confident senior house officer.... a rite of passage I think EVERYONE goes through... in any walk of life. As one of my consultants told me- "Now at the end of it all.. you've got some hair on your chest!!"

As for the colleagues,I was fortunate enough to work with some world class surgeons and physicians,eccentric perfectionists who inspire...... amazing nurses,too many to mention,some of whom were like mothers, some like sisters.....hospital porters-Malchie,George,Vinnie-legends,absolute legends... and of course fellow peers and seniors.....WE HAD SOME FUN!!
As cringingly cliche as this is going to sound, it is because of the bonds formed between these people that the job was never just a job!!

Saying goodbye to everyone in Glasgow was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long long time. 5 years of friendships which will undoubtedly remain lifelong,5 years of laughter,tears,walks,talks,dancing,making snow angels,movie marathons....and most importantly-5 years of self discovery.

BUT...... paraphrasing the immortal words of George Harrison-
"All (good) things must pass."

Michael Jackson

2009-03-05T21:25:00.001Z

remembering E.T.

2009-02-11T23:09:00.006Z

........ may you rest in Peace!!!

So I'm half way through my rotation in Emergency Medicine...... And I have to say,I'm loving it.Admittedly so, it doesn't share the same pyrotechnic drama as E.R. exudes,but I can say it comes pretty damn close, sometimes.Just when I thought that the rate of my learning curve was at its peak,2 months in Accident&Emergency has propelled it into overdrive. Every day,I leave with a mark on me,kindly bestowed upon by patients.This mark I mention is not one of a physical nature,but one of a mental and sometimes emotional mark. Yes there are those who are culpable of contributing towards a brewing misanthropy that sometimes inevitably gets the better of me.... but just I'm about to succumb to the "This is just a job." philosophy,some comes along and saves you.... and lets face it every so often, we all could do with a little be of saving!

Recently,I was fortunate to meet such an individual.He was a young chap,my age,with a rare terminal illness.He was brought in by ambulance,unconscious.We resuscitated and stabilized him, as best as possible, and he was subsequently admitted to the wards.Many said that this was it,he had decompensated and his time was precious.8 hours later,I stopped by his room,his mum was by his side,hand on his lifeless ankle at the foot of the bed.I said hello, and asked he had woken up at all.A feeble "No" trembled out of her.In situations like these, there really is nothing one can say.... words of comfort and consolation fall on deaf ears, because no matter how sincerely you mean to say that "Everything will be ok", at the time, all parties concerned know that everything kinda sucks and isn't going to be okay. So really why say anything?
I said goodnight and that I'd try and stop by again tomorrow.

36-ish hours later,a nurse comes over and tells me that he is sitting up and eating.Amazing.I will never be able to fully articulate the relief and joy I felt when I heard that.... and then when I walked into his room to see him wolfing down strawberries.... It really is quite a high-not because I had anything to do with him waking up.. I DIDN'T!It was the mere fact that he was awake.

I remember thinking when I was initially attending to him in A&E, and hearing his parents and relatives talk about him.... that I wished I could've spoken to the guy.... even if it was just a couple of syllables... I wished that I could've looked him in the face, and said "Nice to meet you!!"
Turned out I did get to that just that.. and a little more. He told me of his plans to travel once he got out of the hospital.He told me of his obsession with Garlic Naans and Dosas.

I wished E.T. well. He thanked me,gave me a high five and smiled!
I will never forget that smile.

He passed away a month later

Every so often,I find myself questioning why the hell I chose Medicine as a path to walk, and sadly I often fail to divine an answer.I don't regret it but I do wonder why.
And then you meet the likes of E.T., and they are the answers.

of the final scene

2009-01-16T01:30:00.005Z

Rummaging through my DVDs, I rediscovered one of my all time favourite childhood movies....... ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE. I remember getting my parents to play and re-play and re-play the record soundtrack, whilst I tried desperately to imitate the dancers in this,ingeniously orchestrated finale..........
they were swans, beautiful creatures that dazzled... me not so much!

I sing the Body Electric
I sing the me yet to come.
I toast to my own reunion
When I become one with the sun.

And I'll look back on Venus,
I'll look back on Mars.
And I'll burn with the fire of 10 million stars,
And in time, and in time,
We will all be stars.

I sing the Body Electric,
I glory in the glow of rebirth.
Creating my tomorrow,
When I shall embody the earth.

And I'll serenade Venus,
I'll serenade Mars.
And I'll burn with the fire of 10 million stars,
And in time and in time,
We will all be stars.

"The Body Electric" from Fame,The Movie

words not included

2008-12-23T21:59:00.006Z

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

a Christmas letter

2008-12-09T00:27:00.004Z

Dearest Mum and Dad,

Do you remember....

1. Staying up late, baking the Christmas cake.
2. Decorating the tree... oh so meticulously with Dad.
3. Combing the shops for that perfect star that would never sit quite straight on the tree.
4. Carolling practise with the neighbours.
5. Midnight mass and carol singing.
6. Opening presents after.
7. Lounging with you guys sipping Port and just being....
8. Blasting Christmas carols on the record player.
9. Assunta Hospital's annual children's Christmas party.
10.Mum's elaborate Christmas spread.
11.1998's Christmas play.
12.Arnie under the Christmas tree.
13. Christmas shopping with you guys and Mark.
14.The smell of the Christmas tree wafting through the house in the mornings.

As Celine Dion sang- " These are the special times. Times we'll remember."

Its Christmas all over again, and every carol I listen too brings back one memory or another. The ghosts of my Christmasses passed have resurfaced,,.. and I'd give anything to relive those moments.

Thank you? That's the best I can come up with. Thank you for our awesome, rocking Christmasses as children.
Thank you for the gift of love and warmth that you both gave us.... not just during Christmas but for the entirety of our lives so far.

All my love,
K

australia dreaming

2008-10-24T12:10:00.006+01:00

Erghhhh... Talk about a dry spell. This could possibly be attributed to the fact that its been a fairly busy month in the world of Plastics,and usually by the time my feet touchdown at home, all capacity to do/think anything has dissipated.Just the other day I gargled with Pantence 'Ice Formula' shampoo instead of Listerine Orange mouthwash!!! WTH!!
So,as one might imagine,most evenings,its inconceivable to try and formulate reasonable thought processes that would then have to be translated to coherent sentences onto the blog. As it is, even on a normal baseline, when I've not been run off my feet on a 13 hour shift, you'll be lucky to get an entire sentence that ends with a full stop. They're usually clusters of words,jauntily strung together, interrupted with a preposition here, a question mark there and then they fade away.....

ANNNYWAYS......

Come end of July, I would've finished my 2nd year of general training. What happens after...Jack only knows!!!Various issues with immigration have severely mitigated job opportunites for the Non-EU doctor.Furthermore,the current global economic blackhole that we find ourselves getting sucked into is not doing annnnyone annnnny favours!!!!
With all that said though,I think its time for a change of scene... and in view of the weather over the last week....its definitely time.
For the past 2 weeks, the sun in Glasgow has been held hostage by Cumulonimbus and gang!! And of course the rain just doesn't know when to stop... and is fervently abetted by the wind,which over the past 2 days has been terrorising the people of Glasgow.You need gravity belts to walk in a straight line and stop yourself from experiencing lift off!
There is only one word that comes to mind regarding the vicissitudinous climate at present-APOCALYPTIC!

So yes, converging back to the topic at hand, Australia has become the much favoured and most likely option.I've never been, but based on photographs of holidays taken, and various conversations with friends who now live there, it sounds pretty damn amazing!
Great weather, great work hours, great outdoors....yep!AMAZING!

So here I go,embarking on the trudge through all the red tape and paper work and online work *yuck*................bound for The Land Down Under.

"Hi.I'm Karen-doctor by day,beach hippy by night!"..... and then she wakes up!

farewell

2008-09-28T14:21:00.006+01:00

Mindlessly browsing the Internet today, I stumble upon tragic news..... Paul Newman, has passed away at 83, on the 26th of September 2008. Its one of those things you know at some point will inevitably happen, and you dread the day you read of it! Well it happened and I read about it 36 hours later.

It would be ridiculous to say that I am deeply saddened to hear of this loss, seeing as I have never met/ personally known Mr. Newman, BUT I AM SAD and it IS A JARRING LOSS.The wonderful world of movies (NOT Hollywood) is just that bit fractured.

Thank you for The Sting, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Message in a Bottle, Fat Man and Little Boy, The Hustler, The Colour of Money.... and so many many more.

You did it with grace, integrity and style.

quote,unquote

2008-09-02T01:13:00.006+01:00

Obama-McCain/Hurricane Gustav/Evacuation of New Orleans/Oil prices/Georgia-Russia/Iraq-Bush... its one global orgy I tell you..... and on a much smaller scale.... I have come off a week of nights.... a week of carrying the trauma page, which afforded me the 'privilege' me to take part in another orgy of sorts. One of bloods, exposed pulsating ulnar arteries, 14 year old sons who bite their fathers' finger off, slashed wrists form drunken falls, bottle fights, and some. Its been a busy week, and as much as I enjoyed it, working nights can be a dreadfully anti-social existence and I'm glad for this brief reprieve.
Anyways, I was reading this afternoon and stumbled upon some really amazing quotes that made me smile.... just what I needed after a week that didn't stop! These are just a few....

Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella~

An old man in love is like a flower in winter.
~Anon~

All love is probationary, a fact which frightens women and exhilarates men.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966~

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
~George Jean Nathan~

...and finally.. I thought this was just perfect,absolutely brilliant.This one was written for me!!!! Hahah those of you who know me well will understand!;)

INFATUATION is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners.
LOVE is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway.
~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975~

4 lines,1 thought

2008-08-19T23:21:00.004+01:00

She walks to the beat of her own drum,
Sometime with a smile, sometimes not ... but always with a hum.
Life has been interesting to say the least,
Fate has made a game of her, what a beast!

its a love/hate thing

2008-08-11T18:52:00.004+01:00

Yesterday, I walked out of the hospital gates a Junior House Officer (JHO), and this morning I walked back through those same gates as a Senior House Officer,(SHO). What a difference a day makes eh...... for that matter what a difference 3 letters make,but I am still the same me... maybe a little tougher... maybe a little braver. It's been a year since I graduated, a year spent in the trenches.... only a year, and all off a sudden I'm a senior.... the lowest in the hierarchy of seniors, but a senior all the same. Holy Crap... are the words that come to mind, as I try and grapple with the responsibility that comes with these 3 letters. Sure the learning curve over the last 12 months was on an escalation of exponential dimensions, and I'm glad to be done with it........but still HOLY FRIGGIN CRAP!!!!

Anyways, with all that said..... This last year as an intern has been the best and the worst ... errr say 40-60%.... maybe 30-70.... nahhh 40-60!

Of my patients.....
I've met people from all walks of life.... mostly from the more worse off walks of life.
I've seen how physical pain can break a grown man down to his knees, crying his pain away.... only it won't go away!
I've been apart of a 3-women a side team trying to hold a drunk in withdrawal whilst someone else tried to cannulate him..... that was a long morning!
Thinking back, there were some pretty heavy conversations as well. Between an elderly lady who was vomitting 500-1000mls of fresh blood every night. Endoscopy to look for the source of the bleed and plug it was attempted,but unfortunately, because she was too frail and carried excess baggage of other co-morbidities, she very nearly suffered a respiratory arrest. As one might imagine, any subsequent ideas to invasively investigate/intervene was abandoned, and blood transfusions was a temporary reprieve. So there she was, stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.
How do you explain to an 90 year old that it would not be possible to keep giving her blood indefinitely?? How do you ask someone whether she would allow us to stop with transfusions..... and essentially let her die. We did ask explain the situation and we did ask the question.... and in return, she pleaded with us to continue and not to give up .... "Miracles do happen.... and there's so much I want to see and do still", was what she said to me, with eyes that reflected infinite hope! What do you say to that?
She passed away in her sleep over that weekend.

Its not been all grim and gore..... I've had a great many laughs with some of them. Elderly folk can be soooo cheeky and some of them have the most mischievous sense of humour. They'll flirt with you and call you 'a real doll'.... and when you've been working 13 hour every day for the last week, this little gesture goes a long way... a really long way :)

Of my colleagues....
I have had the privilege to work alongside some pretty amazing consultant physicians. Special mention goes out to 'Prof'.....old-school through and through, this man is a legend, and I had the honour of being on his ward rounds and watch him practice medicine. That was pretty sweet I have to say. Standing in the presence of such greatness, imbued me with hope that maybe one day I might be as good a doctor (or somewhat close) as 'Prof' is.....just maybe eh?!

With all that said..... there are still those days, when I hate my job.. the politics... the snark.... the hostility... the impatience....the feeling that alot of the time you're walking on egg shells. And then I recall my parents warning me all those years ago that this was a 'tough one' to sink your teeth into... but at the same time it can be the best thing in the world. It is at these points of exasperation and frustration that I think.... maybe I should have gone all the way with ballet, or become a writer.. or something..... anything but medicine.

Why put oneself through all the angst and stress and sleep deprivation and.... and stress... FOR WHAT?????
I've asked myself that question again and again and.....again..... and I have yet to divine as answer.
Maybe I never will....

All I know is this... that there will be those dark moments when I'll curse the day I chose to become a doctor..... and there will be the better days when I'll think to myself,"Man.... this really is AWESOME.... this being a doctor thing!

feet in mid-air

2008-07-27T19:38:00.007+01:00

Solitude, such a lonely word, such a scary thought. I always thought that the word sounded like a vacumm, a black hole that sucked everything in and that was it ... .... there you'd be.... alone in limbo.

I've moved. I've been moved for almost a month now. My dear flatmate graduated, with honours I might add (that was specially put in for you Henk;)), and is now sailing the breadths of Croatia before another chapter of his life unfolds down in London. His departure from Glasgow meant that I would either have to move out into a new flat or much to my chagrin, look for a new flatmate. After a very brief, almost obligatory deliberation, I decided I was going to go it alone for this next year. I figured it was time that I lived by myself.... at least for a year. I've always wanted to try it... and the time was now. I am single, I can afford it ( well.. barely), so why the hell not!

It was love at first sight, this flat and I. I mean literally.. no sooner that it was showed to me that I said " Yes, I take you, Flat 0/1.. for better or worse ...."

I have to say, it took a little getting used, not so much the fact that I was coming home to an empty flat, but more the fact that it would remain empty throughout the night and the next morning when I woke up. It was just me and the comforting drone of the refridgerator.

However, as Father Time continues to hum along, I have grown accustomed to the silence. I think we all need that time in our lives, time to ourselves, and space to just be!

To twirl about the living room to the sounds of The Cat Empire.
To spend a lazy, debaucherous Saturday afternoon eating strawberry cheese cake ice-cream whilst going through an entire season of Sex and the City.
To just lie on the couch upside-down,feet dangling in the air and just ...BE!

The more I think about it now, as I write this, I'm beginning to wonder.....

Solitude..... could it just maybe turn out to be the greatest adventure of our lives???... That is should we be bold and brave enough to embark upon it! ;)

the sound of magic

2008-07-24T21:46:00.005+01:00

So I'm sitting here at my dining table, trying to buckle down and get some studying done.... only I have made a grave mistake by putting on a particular CD in the living room-"The Spielberg/Williams Collaboration". You see, a million years ago,being the fan of Spielberg movies that my parents knew me to be, they found me this CD during one of their routine jaunts to the record store. It was perfect. I recall the first time I listened to it, and as cringe worthy as this next bit threatens to sound, I have to say that the sound was overwhelming, literally,... it really did feel absolutely magical. So here I was 10 minutes before starting this post, slowly slipping into a John Williams' induced hypnotic state as I remembered each movie, the first time I watched them, with whom, where ......some of the most amazing scenes from these films.... at which point the idea for this entry sprung to mind....

So ...... here it is, in no particular order...... my most beloved movie themes-

1) E.T. (John Williams)
2) EMPIRE OF THE SUN ( John Williams)
3) RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (John Williams)
4) SCHINDLER'S LIST (John Williams)
5) ALWYAS (John Williams)
6) JURASSIC PARK (John Williams)
7) STAR WARS (John Williams)
8) BACK TO THE FUTURE (Alan Silvestri)
9) CHARIOTS OF FIRE (Vangelis)
10) DANCES WITH WOLVES (John Barry)
11) OUT OF AFRICA (John Barry)
12) THE MISSION (Ennio Morricone)
13) YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (John Barry)
14) THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (Elmer Bernstein)
15) BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY (John Williams)

Whether its on horseback through the Western wilderness, over the moon with E.T. or flying over flamingoes in Africa, every single one of these soundtracks have left indelible echoes in my subconscious and undoubtedly in millions of others too.

These are the sounds of Greatness, Adventure, Infinity, Romance, Idealism, Amazement... and Magic!

Music that will always manage to make me tear and baptize with goosebumps....lots and lots of GOOSEBUMPS!!!!

a little bit of silliness

2008-07-16T12:47:00.009+01:00

Most recent movie watched - "In the Land of Women"

What I thought of it- Yeah... it was alright. Olympia Dukakis was brilliant.

Anything else I'd like to specially mention- OH YES! MOST DEFINITELY! ADAM BRODY PLAYED PROTAGONIST.... and it is at this point in the post that the silliness shall ensue....

Seriously! Scruffy hair, worn down jeans,shirts with jumpers over them,Converse.... the very epitome of Boho basically, topped off with pilot sunglasses!!! Seriously!

And from an acting perspective, admittedly so besides the OC and the above-mentioned movie, he hasn't been in much ....yet. But, But..... it has to be said that he pulls of sarcastic one liners... or more .... beautifully.. even better that Chandler Bing.

Ok.... so there!! I've said what I have to say... as juvenile as some may think it to be.. as mindless and ditzy as I do realise this post is ......I don't care!

Its my blog, and I'll say that....
Adam Brody is a huge bundle of loveliness , if I want to!! ;)

music and lyrics by leonard cohen

2008-07-15T12:46:00.002+01:00

It's four in the morning, the end of December
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.

I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now,
I hope you're keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.

Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane's awake --

She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, for Jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear

famous blue raincoat
(L. Cohen) Stranger Music, Inc.

how true....

2008-07-11T00:01:00.003+01:00

......and perfectly put it was, when Isak Dinesen said,

"When the Gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers."

so true.......

100

2008-07-08T14:57:00.003+01:00

Seeing as I'm in a Leonard-melancholic-Cohen state of mind just now, I thought it most appropriate to mark 'All the World's A Stage's 100th post with a song by one of my favourite poet/lyricist.........

In my secret life
In my secret life
In my secret life
In my secret life

I saw you this mornin'
You were moving so fast
Can't seem to loosen my grip
On the past.

And I miss you so much
There's no one in sight
And we're still making love.

In my secret life
In my secret life

I smile when I'm angry
I cheat and I lie
I do what I have to do
To get by.

But I know what is wrong
And I know what is right
And I'd die for the truth.

In my secret life
In my secret life

Hold on, hold on my brother
My sister hold on tight
I finally got my orders
I'll be marchin'through the morning
Marchin' through the night
Movin' through the borders of my secret life.

Looked through the paper
Makes you want to cry
Nobody cares if the people
Live or die.
And the dealers want you thinkin'
That its either black or white
Thank God its not that simple
In my secret life.

I bite my lip
I buy what I'm told
From the latest hit
To the wisdom of old.

But I'm always alone
And my heart is like ice
And its crowded and cold.

In my secret life
In my secret life
In my secret life
In my secret life

-my secret life-
leonard cohen & sharon robinson

of the 4 legged tripod

2008-07-01T19:05:00.024+01:00

.....And as I looked around the table at Bothy's restaurant, there they all sat, gleaming graduates with their respective families.... and eventhough its been a year since I graduated, I was very much apart of the congregation that evening. It was lovely and heartbreaking all at once... because I knew then, that it would probably be the last time for a long time that the 4 of us would sit at a table together!

So... this one's for the 3 legs of that Tripod.....

A jarring laugh we both share,
It commands chaos, smiles and resounds through the air.
I crowned her 'The Teardrop' a million years ago,
Always at the right place at the right time,she has been my angel,with a halo aglow.
I will always remember piggy back rides through town on a whim,
Julie, I promise the next time we meet, I'd have learnt how to swim ;)

Now,the exotic of the quartet,
An extraordinary rock chic who can throw a spectacular fret.
Be it in the vet school, or the dance floor, she always looks the part,
Setting the perfect example, dancing to the beat of her own heart.
So....my horse-loving ,Flamenco dancing, fellow Bohemian,
True beauty and true love is yours for the taking,
Morgane, Morgane, our Parisian-New Yorker one in a million!

Blessed with innate glamour and elegance,
Oh me!Oh my! Can Fogarty dance!!!
She's Korean today, Irish yesterday, Russian tomorrow,
Still trying to work on the Indian though.;)
Anywhere, anytime the biggest smile in the room,
From ear to ear, she dispells all gloom.

We've been through Winters, Springs, Summers and Falls,
4 girls met 4 years ago at Wolfson Halls.
Thank you for the memories, the laughs,all the movies in between,
The endless chats,dancing till dawn......and the millionth time we watched that Notebook Scene :)

So here's to four souls who couldn't be anymore different yet so similar.... may we find the answers to all those questions we once posed!

I love you all ... and will miss you like hell!!!

2 weeks to a lifetime

2008-06-28T20:31:00.005+01:00

I finally got round to watching the highly anticipated silver screen presentation of Sex And The City, and am delighted to report that there were no disappointments. The scenes of New York, aerial views of Central Park, the Brooklyn Bridge, neighbourhoods in The Village are still and always will be magical. I reckon this is one of those chick-flicks that every single female,be them single, married, divorced, jilted, in the perfect relationship would be able to identify with. I say this with the greatest of confidence because the resounding theme throughout the movie was the on-going, lifelong search for that elusive phenomenon called LOVE, which brings me to my next point....

Love..... everybody wants to fall in love! Everybody wants to belong to someone else...to have their life mean something to someone else. But nothing is ever easy or simple with this thing called love. It isn't like the fairy tales.... or then again may be it is, the only difference is that in Cinderella and Snow White, we never hear of what happens after Prince Charming rescues the damsel in distress and kisses her as they ride off into the setting sun. Would our lives feel less lived in, less tangible, if we never found true love??

Love... they say it conquers all. John Lennon sang that "Love is All You Need". I used to believe that with all of my heart, but as the years glide by and I watch so many friends break up and break down, many not for the lack of love... I am beginning to question that ideal. Is love really enough??? Why is it that so many a time, people find the love of their lives, their soul mates.... but always end up having to say goodbye to it and inevitably end up settling for the next best thing???
I wish it were simple.

Love... it is a funny thing......I hope you all experience great love in your lives... you know, the stuff movies are made of.I hope you'll make a connection so imperfectly perfect with that one other person on this earth that it takes your breath away.
Maybe it lasts a day, 2 weeks....(and for the lucky ones, a lifetime).... but you would have had that euphoric flight, and it will always be apart of you... until the end of time.

Grey's gift

2008-06-26T21:55:00.010+01:00

Tonight I recall a long and drawn out conversation once had a long time ago with a friend.A conversation that contrasted in opinions and beliefs.... one that did not draw resolve,only an amicable agreement to disagree.

Tonight, I remember one particular conflict-
He said: "There are NO such things as closed chapters!!
She said:"There has to be some form of closure to everything, where matters/feelings are neatly put away in a little box,kept shut!

Alas! How ignorant and naive was I!!!

Tonight,as recent happenings of 2 weeks past trigger recollection of a particular thread in the tapestry of my life,one that spans the length of 10 years, I am slapped in the face by the stark fact that there are some chapters that can never be closed and that there are certain facets of life that will NEVER be simple, or neat, or just black and white.
...and for an individual who HATES THAT COLOUR,and doesn't know how to deal with the greyness in between, the slaps are on repeat!

With all that said however, I have to sheepishly admit (to resounding echoes of "I told you so"),that sometimes GREY IS GREAT!
Grey gave 2 people a chance at something pretty sweet and amazing. Something that was thought to have been lost forever, lost many years ago, amidst silence and fear. Don't get me wrong, I am still trying to find my footing as I tread this new ground.
Its scary as fuck, it has it's thrills,its lovely... its a bittersweet limbo that I find myself suspended in.

Grey can never be understood, or boxed into a definition, or cerebralized (if that's even a word). She plays an unfair game, where we will never be able to touch her, but she has us all wrapped around her finger. She is witch, angel, reality and fantasy. She force feeds us hope and faith, because lets face it, without that, we'd all drown!

For now, I am eternally grateful to Grey for her gift of possibility....a possibility that exploded into the perfect reality!

until sunrise

2008-06-24T22:02:00.006+01:00

It is 2 in the AM, closing time, and she has lost most of her games of pool.... in style I might add, although there maybe parties who beg to differ.
They lay the cue sticks and the banter to rest, and head home.... only instead of home, life has other plans for 2 friends who are trying to make up for lost time.
In the early hours of the morning, a conversation that beheld many more conversations ensued.... atop the bonnet of a car, under the blanket of a cloudless sky, whose stars were drowned out by the scattered street lights of the neighbourhood.

Such conversations that pierced through the superficial were known to occur from time to time throughout the years, but this time round, it hit bone!

Its now 5.30, the sky is slowing waking up to another day, and heavy eyes yearning to escape into the solace of sleep force temporary goodbyes.

Moments like these come by only every so often, like Haley's comet... and even though there is a very real possibility that it may never happen again, what does it really matter?!

She was there, she lived that moment... all the way till sunrise!

prelude

2008-06-22T02:19:00.005+01:00

5.20am;Coldstone Cafe, Dubai International Airport

I've been sitting here for the past 20 minutes contemplating a post about the last 2 weeks that have gone by..... what will i title this post... where will I start.... HOW will I start.... although I think the latter question of the 3 has already been answered, seeing as I'm 3 lines into this account, though have not said much yet..... I'll get there... I'll get there!

What's so special about the last 2 weeks, one might ask. Well it was 2 amazing weeks spent at home in the Malay-of-Asia, the perfect reprieve from the abyssmal, anti-social life that I have led since doning the cloak of a Junior House Officer.

Nothing extraordinary happened this trip home... well...there may be one exception....
Met up with the usual suspects.... laughed and laughed to a point of paralysis.....caught The Hulk... which was amazing!!!!.....and The Happening,which I have taken the liberty to re-name as "The Dissapointing, The Pointless and The Waste of Time".... and of course the latest installment of Indiana Jones..... oh dear... ohhhhhh dear....*sad sigh* ( I will not go there, for fear that this pleasant post will become a bitter diatribe of a movie that was probably best left unmade!!!)

There's too much to try and articulate in one post, so I've decided to break it down.... mainly for my benefit, so that there will be no forgetting and each memory created will perfectly encapsulated!

....to be continued

was it 06 or 07???

2008-06-20T14:06:00.004+01:00

June 20th 2008;9.07pm

I sit here upstairs in a room of a certain someone... a certain someone who is certain of happenings of years past... what happened and when they happened! I also am certain that my memory of events past are in the correct sequence... the only problem is that certain someone and I have conflicting memories of the retrospect....

I pause now to further investigate....

....to be continued!!

.................

2008-05-26T09:50:00.000+01:00

...................WATCH THIS SPACE

the blue between

2008-04-28T00:46:00.007+01:00

Blue is the colour,
That separates her from another.
It is by these tides,
That she must abide.

Blue is the shade,
Before which the questions are laid.
What might have been or could have been,
Who's to know that which cannot be forseen?

Blue is the continual flow,
Of prose that sets a heart aglow.
It is the best gift that she can endow,
For all else is disallowed.

Blue is a reminder of a love that quietly exists,
A love that may never be known, but will always persist......
As a reflection only seen,
In infinity, that is the blue between.

-karen l-

for lack of any thoughts....

2008-04-19T01:21:00.004+01:00

Some folks like to get away,
Take a holiday from the neighborhood.
Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood.
But I'm takin' a Greyhound on the Hudson River line.
I'm in a New York state of mind.

I've seen all the movie stars in their fancy cars and their limousines.
Been high in the Rockys under the evergreens.
I know what I'm needin', and I don't wanna waste more time.
I'm in a New York state of mind.

It was so easy livin' day by day
Out of touch with the rhythym and blues
But now I need a little give and take
The New York Times, the Daily News.

It comes down to reality, and it's fine with me cause I've let it slide.
I don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside.
I don't have any reasons.
I left them all behind.
I'm in a New York state of mind.

It was so easy living day by day
Out of touch with the rhythym and blues
But now I need a little give and take
The New York Times, the Daily News.

It comes down to reality, and it's fine with me cause I've let it slide.
I don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside.
I don't have any reasons.
I left them all behind.
I'm in a New York state of mind.

I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River line.
Cause I'm in a, I'm in a New York state of mind

new york state of mind
-billy joel-

on the street where I live

2007-12-12T16:05:00.000Z

My first post for the month of December... the month defined by nostalgia,memories of Christmasses past and hot mulled wine. The month where homesickness is taken to a whole new level, and where Christmas carols bring a bittersweet smile to my face.Its 4.15pm,the sky is greying towards darkness, and I'm at the computer, typing this in the company of my little Christmas tree,elegantly poised in the corner of the lounge, a mug of vanilla coffee, and Count Basie singing 'Sleigh Ridé'.

My landlord has just been by, and he is the loveliest old man. Along with my flatmate, we discussed history, travelling through India... he even mentioned one of his favourite haunts... which just so happens to be mine too..... its this quaint little second-hand bookshop called 'Voltaire and Rosseau'.MAGIC!!!!
Its absolutely amazing when you can make a connection with a 60-odd year old man you're meeting for the first time!!! And there was of course the perfunctory mention of a door-knob that needed mending and lights that needed rewiring!(Boring housekeeping jazz that doesn't merit anymore than a sentence of mention!)

Anyways, as I sit here and type, the view from across the other flats is really warm and cozy,I think at least.Through each window, I see different manifestations of the holiday season...there's a guy putting up his curtains as I type these words....and in the flat next to his, a mother is playing with her baby on the sofa with a red-lit tree close at hand....there's also a lady trying to wrap her presents.......haahha she's been trying for the past 15 minutes, and there's someone else who's also at his laptop.... maybe he's doing his Christmas shopping online... or maybe he's blogging about all the various window displays he can see from his side of the street!

Anyways,as its only the 12th of December, more posts infused with Christmas mush will ensue... fornow I'm off to go get lost in Borders!!:)

perfectly put

2007-11-18T13:44:00.000Z

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living."

-CHRISTOPHER MCCANDLESS-

walking with Springsteen

2007-11-12T21:20:00.000Z

for they who were my patients and my doctors

As doctors, we are bound by our consciences and by the Hippocratic oath to do no harm,care for the weary and ill and to spread warmth and compassionate to those who need it the most. The sick and helpless look to us for consolation, for answers.... and most importantly for hope. Hope that one day, they will stop vomitting their insides out, hope that their almost disappearing systolic pressures will rise to 3 digit figures, hope that one day they ill feel whole and be able to walk again.

I am 25, a still raw specimen to the realities of life. I started out at this whole doctoring business, apprehensive as to whether or not I would cut it as a doctor, petrified that I might unwittingly kill a patient, and hopeful that Hipprocrates would one day, looking down from above, say "Ahhh yes!! You have now proven yourself worthy to be called DOCTOR!"

Four months down the line and one precious lesson (among many) that I have learnt is that patients may drain us of our resources, both mentally and physically, but yet at the end of the day, when I leave the hospital at the and of the day, I walk out smiling on the inside. Smiling because Mrs. A has finally moved her bowels, much to her relief.. smiling because I watched a grown man go from crying in pain to hugging everyone in sight,on the wards, because we succesfully tweaked his painkillers..he is now a new man.
These patients give back so much in so many ways without even realising it... we don't even realise it.

Over the last month, on really busy days, when all hell seemed to be on the verge of breaking loose, I found solace by sitting with one particular patient. Complications during surgery rendered him partially hemiplegic, but the smile he had for me whenever I walked into the room was priceless. 10 minutes was all it took for him to work his magic.. we talked about Springteen's latest album.. about his grandchildren.. about how his rehab was going... and about how he was determined to walk again. 10 minutes a day with the endearing old man and I was rejuvenated, ready face the rest of the hours.

Last week, as I was walking out of the wards, I see a figure, slightly hunched over this zimmer frame, heading towards me...IT IS MR.Z, slowly shuffling along, beaming with pride and a smile that I will never forget. He had is headphones on, and as he passed me by, I struggled for something to say... words could not do justice to the feeling of surprise and joy that I wanted to express. I ended up asking him, "What are you listening to?" All he said was,"MAGIC..2nd track.", winked and carried on his way. Ahhh yes of course, Bruce! Silly me!
He has now left for home, no doubt he'll be walking for Scotland.

This are the little gifts patients give to us all.Lessons on patience, hope, faith. They are stark reminders of how fragile life is.
They keep me laughing and though I have a long long long way to go, it is because of these precious people that I will always love what I do.

intermission VIII

2007-10-26T18:17:00.001+01:00

No one does it like Aerosmith does it.....

once

2007-10-08T20:01:00.000+01:00

Robert Kincaid said it best -
"This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime....once!"

the mentor

2007-10-04T11:08:00.000+01:00

for Mr.R, surgeon extrodinaire

They always say that, in life, we will come across individuals who will inevitably have a massive impact on our lives, forever leaving their handprints on our forehead. These are people who will inspire us to be better human beings, better doctors, better mothers and so on. In the last 2 weeks,I have been blessed (that would be the very word) with the opportunity to work for a very talented surgeon, whose middle name is Perfection. In this short period, he has pushed and challenged me as a doctor... and man was it fun. When I started off at this job, working for someone else, I had my hand held for the most part of it, just because I was new to the job, new to the hospital.... new to everything.And then,a fortnight ago I rotated to vascular sugery, and on the first day,"opening night", I was put in the spotlight....the protagonist in-charge of 15 patients. I have a pathological fear of the stage, and was rather apprehensive as to how I'd handle this avalanche of responsibility. Fortunately for everyone, particularly the patients,I managed to perform, and didn't forget my lines!!! I was even given the chance to assist in my first abdominal aortic aneurysm repair..like proper hands on stuff.
AWWWWW MAN WHAT A HIGH!!!

These past 2 weeks have been amazing. I actually felt like a doctor... like a pretty competent one, at that.... all thanks to a surgeon who had faith in me when I didn't.
This brilliant man has inspired confidence in myself as a doctor, and for that he has my eternal gratitude.

He threw me into the deep end of the pool, and I managed to keep my head above water.

Thanks for everything Mr.R... you're the stuff legendary mentors are made of!!!!

the poetry of words

2007-09-29T11:53:00.000+01:00

-WHY SHOULD I CRY FOR YOU-

under the dog stair sail
over the reefs of moonshine
under the skies of fall
north, north west, the stones of Farve

under the Arctic fire
over the seas of silence
hauling on frozen ropes
for all my days remaining
but would north be true?

all colours bleed to red
asleep on the ocean's bed
drifting in empty seas
for all my days remaining

but would north be true?
why should i?
why should i cry for you?
dark angels follow me
over a godless sea
mountains of endless falling,
for all my days remaining,

what would be true?

sometimes i see your face,
the stars seem to lose their place
why must i think of you?
why must I?
why should I?

why should I cry for you?
why would you want me to?
and what should it mean to say,
that, "I loved you in my fashion"?

what would be true?
why should I?
why should I cry for you?

-sting-
from "THE SOUL CAGES"

to

2007-09-12T09:18:00.000+01:00

to let go and to let the chips fall where they may...
to love without fear and expectation...
to close your eyes and dance like a whirling dervish...
to love all and nothing in particular...
to stare life in the face and not back down...
to answer our call to service with a willing heart...
to have the courage to stand alone...
to have the courage to let people in...
to be a citizen of a world of countries without borders,
races without colour and faiths without religion...
-karen l-

bach and ballet

2007-09-02T12:56:00.000+01:00

kundera and nietzsche

2007-09-02T10:52:00.000+01:00

Excerpts from an all time favourite book.....

"In the world of eternal return the weight of unbearable responsiblity lies heavy on every move we make.This is why Nietzsche called the idea of eternal return the heaviest of burdens (das schwerste Gewicht)."

"But is this heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid?"

"The heaviest of burdens crushes us,we sink beneath it and it pins us to the ground.But in the love poetry of every age,the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body.The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultanoeously an image of life's most intense fulfilment.The heavier the burned, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become."

"Conversely,the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air,to soar into the heights,take leave of the earth and his earthly being,and become only half real,his movements as free as they are insignificant...... so what then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?"

"Parmenides posed this very question in the 6th century BC... and in his opinion lightness is positive,weight negative. Was he right in saying that ?"

"The only certainty is : the lightness/weight opposition is the most mysterious,most ambigous of all."

from
THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING
by
MILAN KUNDERA

it could happen to you....

2007-08-23T15:31:00.000+01:00

....and then, every so often, when you least expect.... it does happen to you! :)

open your eyes

2007-08-21T13:03:00.000+01:00

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
Cos they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

-snow patrol-

every so often.......

2007-07-30T20:25:00.000+01:00

It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon as the sun smiled upon the myriad of people-young,old,black,brown,white,yellow (I kid you not-there actually was a woman who was an eerie shade of yellow bordering on jaundice... and that 's why FAKE TANS ARE A BAD IDEA).
In the midst of this ocean of bodies, a beautiful voice resonated through the air.... a beautiful voice that belonged to a man standing in the middle of Buchanan Street.... a beautiful voice that was belting out a glorious version of Puccini's Nessun Dorma... a beautiful voice that inspired the flight of pigeons up high into the skies.
Like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, this tenor was hypnotizing a growing crowd, and as I got cozy on the steps nearby with a Starbucks' Straberries and Cream in hand, I was reminded of this scene in 'The Mirror Has Two Faces' where Babra Streisand is giving a lecture on the reality of romantic love and she says ".....the onscreen lovers kiss and the music soars and our emotions are heightened and magnified ... but in reality we don't hear Pucinni when we kiss!!!!
She was elaborating about the manipulation of media and the effect it has on us, and that very often there is dissapointment on some level when we don't hear the Philharmonic when our date kisses us goodnight....metaphorically speaking.
But that afternoon, as goosebumps mushroomed all over me, I thought the atmosphere that we were all enveloped in that afternoon very much resembled a scene from a good old fashoined New York movie. There were in fact couples wrapped up in each other and I'm sure they were thinking the same thing I was ....... that every so often, life does imitate art.

It was a lazy, cloudy Sunday morning,( yeah Glagsgow's 'great' that way-you can experience all four seasons over the course of just one weekend)
Anyways,I digress-I was sitting in the lounge, on the phone with mum. I finally organized my flat and was ecstatically regaling her with my adventures of interior decorating, a vacumm cleaner that started to smoke (err.. I still don't know what happened there), and the big beautiful bay windows that adorned the walls of the lounge, though I was expressing a slight unease at the fact that when the curtains are drawn open, it's a free-for-all viewing opportunity and as much as I'm sure that the people on the opposite side of the street have much better things to do than to play peeping toms, the excessive exposure was extremely exasperating.
And then minutes into my rant......IT appeared!!!This pasty white, assymmetrical excuse for a derriere was staring me in the face... from across the road. Awwww man.... talk about timing... mum laughed, I shrugged!!! Some guy was walking around his lounge, naked and hunched over.... in an effort to maintain some decency,maybe?? I don't know??!! Seriously......Seriously!!!
Later that night I was thinking about it...the incident on the whole that is, and not the faceless ass, I smiled and realised that now I too have that 'naked man across the road'.
Megan,I thought of you....hahah.... you'd so get a kick out of this ;)
I'm sure Ross, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey would be thrilled to know that every so often... life does imitate art ...
(their 'art')!

of chicken soup

2007-07-27T21:53:00.000+01:00

To the Void,

Its been 7 very raw hours since I've landed back in Glasgow.
I'm missing my mom and dad and my dogs, I can hardly breathe.

My mom made me chicken soup before I left... really kickass chicken soup!!
My mom sat and fed me chicken soup whilst I sat next to her on the sofa.....

.....5 hours later I boarded a plane bound for Scotland!!!!!

Will leaving home ever get any easier????

From K.

the traveller

2007-07-06T00:00:00.000+01:00

Its friggin' 3am and I find myself in the abyss that is Dubai International Airport.
Normally, 3 am wouldn't evoke such animosity.
Normally, 3am represents bliss, with hot cup of coffee, in front of the computer or under the duvet with a good book.
But, when 3 am represents the first of a 9 hour lay over, after a 10 hour flight..its really, really...
*fill in with the most gratifying, explosive expletive*!!!!!

Yes..this is a post that, is in essence a rant and one that is not for the faint of heart!!!
So, you have been warned!
I'm standing in what appears to be a corridor like yoke in the middle of somewhere in the airport . It is extremely narrow and the computers are set up back to back,thus obliterating all personal space....and right now some joker behind me is standing with his arse poised in such a way, that it is not only obstructing the walkway, but making sporadic contact with me and the person next to him!!!! WTF*(^&(*^%*^#%@(!?!!!!

Oh and also... th screens for some reason are perched up slightly beyond my reach... so this angst ridden post is being typed entirely on tip-toe.!!! (Yes, yes .... I'm probably just short)

Oh and also....the friggin connection here is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwwwwww.... think of snail moving in slow motion.... HAHAHAH...is that even remotely funny???? At this point I don't know ... I'm just HAHAH-ing in surrender to the brain and body freeze that is currently underway.

Hmm... those are the main highlights ..so far..... *deep breath in...and out*
Sigh... despite these hysterics, I am delighted and excited to be heading home... in about 15 hours. As they say- No pain, No gain.
So, though I know I shouldn't be complaining, I thought I'd be cheeky and indulge myself.

I hope you were as amused reading this as I was writing it... heheh....

I'm now going to go and pacify myself with a Venti White Chocolate Cappucino in Starbucks!!!!

the graduate

2007-07-04T15:59:00.000+01:00

5PM
I'm sitting here at the computer listening to the legendary Pat Metheny, whilst attempting to commit to my blog the events that unfolded this morning, the 4th of July 2007.

twelve and a half hours earlier....

5.30AM
I woke up this morning,a student of the University of Glasgow, scurrying about the flat, trying to iron my white blouse, drink coffee and brush my teeth almost simultaneously. I learnt that at the most 2 are possible at any one time ( but I wouldn't recommend brushing teeth with Nescafe.... NOT PLESANT!)
You must understand- I have just moved into my flat,and expectedly so, most of what I possess are in boxes ...many many boxes!!!
Toothbrush in Box A .... toothpaste in Box E.... one shoe in my wardrobe...one shoe in the lounge ( yeah you guessed .. in another box!!!. I have a new found repsect for the phrase "To look for a needle in a haystack :).So you've had a glimpse of the chaos that defined the beginnings of what everyone says is
A MILESTONE in my life... MY BIG DAY... and all that jazz.
At the rate I was going, I was convinced that my big day would come and go, and I'd still be looking for that elusive left black shoe!!!

9.30AM
Miraculously enough,I made it to the courtyard (in one piece,both shoes on and my head on my shoulders) with half an hour to spare... half an hour to collect myself... half an hour before my status as a puny yet safe and protected under-space occupying lesion-graduate would expire.

It was a glorious morning as the sun reflected off the dew kissed grass and smiled upon us all.
The university quadrangle was abuzz with students and their families and friends. Needless to say, the incessant clicking of cameras and requests (some orders) of "Smile", "Stand here... No there... , ok turn this way a little.. 1 2 3 ... " *click* resounded through the grounds as everyone went trigger happy with their Canons and Nikons and Sonys. Even I, who HATES having my photo taken succumbed to the call of the lens, and yes... pictures were taken!

11AM
Clad in elegant black and red robes that kept sliding off our shoulders(not so elegant), we filed into the antique Bute Hall and took our seats.

11.15AM
The ceremony kicked off with the academic procession of vice-chancellor and all those who embody the powers that be of the University of Glasgow. A prayer of thanksgiving was then recited by us all in Latin. Very cool.

11.30AM
The roll call began!As I sat there watching my fellow batchmates rise from their seats to heed the call of the vice-chancellor, the butterflies successfully found their way into the depths of my tummy and I was like ... "Holy crap... I'm up next.... Don't trip on the robe Karen... Don't trip!" Mantra of the moment.

Then it happened- I found myself standing in front of the vice-chancellor as he said:
"KAREN L, Te baccalaureum" !!
And at that moment, I was bestowed the highest honour in my little life to date:
Medicinae Baccalaureum et Chirurgiae Baccalaureum

Grand!

12 PM
The vice-chancellor delivered a short speech, brimming with idealism and enthusiasm for what's in store for us beyond the great doors of university. The one line that he said that stuck with me was
"Don't play it small. This is your time!"

12.15PM
The finale was a grand exit preceeded by the academic head honchos, followed by us...THE GRADUATES!!
As we began to spill out of our rows,there was a familiar tune coming to life within the walls of the hall. It was the Star Wars theme!!!! I kid you not.... hahah it was friggin BRILLIANT!! As the monstrous pipe organ started bellowing the opening bars of John Williams masterpiece, we gave each other the "Are you joking... this is awesome!" look, and made our exit in style,with beaming smiles,infused with pride and thrill.

AWW MAN ...WHAT A HIGH!

6PM
I woke up this morning, a student at the University of Glasgow.
I sit here and conclude this post, a graduate from the University of Glasgow.

i'm stuffed

2007-06-20T22:13:00.000+01:00

Yes... the previous post entitled `The Man That Is Scofield` was a momentary lapse of sense. Seeing as most of the content of this blog is that of a more sober nature, I decided to indulge in some juvenile "Oh my goodness, those eyes are hypnotic and that voice drips with seduction. " swoon time!!
I mean seriously... Wentworth Miller is that coveted triad of brains, beauty and braun!!!
'nuf said *grin*

This entry is preceded by a 4 hour Chinese food binge at this amazing restaurant called ZEN.
As the food arrived at the table, dish by dish.... this unbelievable culinary masterpiece was being painted and the end result was quite a sight to behold......

Tong Choi in belacan sauce
Kailan in ginger sauce
Pork intestines (Kit-Chung.. I`ve finally tasted it!!!!)
Malaysian spicy seafood udon
A colourful array of Dim Sum,
Sizzling black pepper beef
Some form of bean curd, the name which eludes me now.... and a few more side dishes!!!!

It has been awhile since I`ve had good Chinese, and this afternoon.... well we just went mad ....basically!
Haha... the waiters were dumbfounded as food requests tumbled out,almost indefinitely, from four very starved individuals, ... and even more so when they came back later on to clear the dishes that now contained only meagre evidence of the food that once was!

Anyways, after lunch, a crane would have been very helpful in fascilitating my journey back to the flat, but like 'they' say:With enough determination and persistence... ANYTHING is possible... ie dragging a heavy,-full to the brim- belly home!!!
I foresee severe reflux in the coming days!

We're about to start a game of Monopoly.... hahah... this should prove to be interesting, seeing as I don't have any game when it comes to buying and selling and negotiating with one Tomo Hasegawa!!!!!

I'm more of a Scrabble kinda girl! :)

on faith

2007-06-13T17:16:00.001+01:00

Faith is a very thick thick rope.
A rope which in the beginning of it all was perfect and strong and true.
As time melts aways with each passing day, the rope frays bit by bit.
There are some who won't give in to the wear and tear of this treasure and the restoration of this rope becomes a lifelong mission.
There are some who may give up and let the strands unravel to nothingness ...and there is nothing left to hold on to.

Faith in God diminishes fear, extinguishes chaos, and keeps us humble.

Faith in people reveals (perhaps, sometimes after a protracted period) that within every human being dwells innate goodness .

Faith in yourself brings about the realisation of some (if not all) of your dreams and aspirations.
Faith in yourself opens avenues in life that were once deemed interminably inaccessible.

Faith in the impossible will break them down to the possible.

Faith in love preserves our humanity.

Faith in hope allows us to dream.

Faith in faith sustains the faith.

Verbalizing the above is easy....it isn't stuff people haven't heard before....
Actually keeping the faith.....now therein lies the ultimate challenge... one that we will be faced with for the rest of our earthly existences....

Faith is a very thick thick rope.
'Tis a rope on which everything in life depends on.

from tupac

2007-03-07T14:44:00.000Z

Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots
I give a holler to my sisters on welfare
Tupac cares and don't nobody else cares
I know they like to beat ya down a lot
When you come around the block brothas clown a lot
But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive but don't forget keep your head up
And when he tells you you ain't nothin don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you you should leave him
Cuz sista you don't need him
And I ain't tryin to gash up, I just call em how I see em
You know it makes me unhappy
When brothas make babies and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't then we'll have a race of babies
That hate the ladies that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TELL A WOMEN WHEN AND WHERE TO CREATE ONE
So would the real men get up
I know your fed up ladies, but keep your head up!

-tupac-

hollywood heavyweights

2007-02-28T13:09:00.000Z

Ellen Degeneres made for a legendary host at this year's Oscars. Since I can remember, this is the one television broadcast that I so look forward to... and nothing has changed since. Its not so much the celebrity element, but it is the whole atmosphere that sucks me in.... when the winners are announced and the orchestra soars...all senses are heigtened and flung into the heavens. When the verbal carthasis of speeches squeeze past vocal cords paralysed from ecstacy...and the overflowing tears of shock, surprise, joy and sheer gratitude.....its an overwhelming sight. Hahah .. a little dramatic you may scoff... but seriously..... to watch icons like Clint Eastwood present Ennio Morricone with an Honorary Oscar for music acheivement, Spielberg and Francis F Coppolla giving Martin Scorcese his award for Best Director and the likes of Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Babra Streisand and Robert Redford honoring each others work throughout the decades. These are the people who breathed life into characters like Annie Hall, who brought us priceless movies like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Godfather, The Unforgiven... I could go on and on and on. The first movies I watched in the cinema with my parents was the Indiana Jones trilogy.... I mean Steven Spielberg's gift to tell a story, be it science fiction or not, is unparalleled. With him, you're either taking flight on bicycles with E.T., or running helter-skelter with dinasours, or trying to grapple with the possibility of time travel.....ABSOLUTE GENIUS.
The forementioned are only a few that represent the old-school of Hollywood, they are the real drama kings and queens. To me, I think, Woody Allen, Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Tom Hanks are icons not because they wear Prada, or Armani or because they graze the cover of Cosmo, or TIME.....instead they are celebrated and remembered because to us they are the characters they play...characters we fall in love with,characters we identify with and for that moment we feel just a little less alone, characters who will touch our hearts and make us cry, make us laugh... make us hope that a little of that silver screen magic will transcend reality. We don't know them any other way.
For 2 hours, they whisk you away to The Bridges of Madison County, or to the Village in New York, out into space or you find yourselves confined in one room for 3 hours or so with 12 Angry Men. They made movies that inspired, provoked thought and stirred emotion.... and they did it in style!!!! And to see a 76 year old Clint Eastwood making 2 movies about the same story simultaneously, telling the story from both sides... seriously..... how awesome is that...(The Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima).

There are movies and then there are movies...... those epic displays of cinematic pyrotechnics.
There are actors and then there are actors...... those legends whose gift to tell a story precede their own physical existence.

sweet/sexy

2006-12-08T13:43:00.000Z

.....a really gorgeous song by Neil Young

~harvest moon~
Come a little bit closer,
Hear what I have to say.
Just like children sleepin',
We could dream this night away.

But there's a full moon risin',
Let's go dancin' in the light.
We know where the music's playin',
Let's go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you,
I want to see you dance again.
Because I'm still in love with you,
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers,
I watched you from afar.
When we were lovers,
I loved you with all my heart.

But now it's gettin' late,
And the moon is climbin' high.
I want to celebrate,
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you,
I want to see you dance again.
Because I'm still in love with you,
On this harvest moon.

-neil young-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00J3SK4Afog

drunk on christmas

2006-12-07T11:47:00.000Z

It that time of the year, streets are bustling with frantic shoppers all bundled up against the wintry wind. Carols singers busking on Buchanan Street, the German market is up and running, christmas trees everywhere and the scent of pine wafting through the air. Its that time of the year where I turn into complete mush! I love Christmas...... absolutely adore everything about it. I think this love is mostly attributable to the fact that I had the best Christmasses growing up. Every year, we'd get that coveted 6 foot tree, spend ages decorating it and in the morning the you're greeted with that effervescent smell of pine.... and our little rabbit would be huddled up under the tree.Priceless! I remember nights helping mum chop up dried fruit for the xmas cake, cleaning up this and that, great great family shopping trips to get clothes and christmas decorations .... and the dreaded quest for that elusively perfect material to stitch the curtains...(not fun at 10.... not fun at 16....but now I see the light)

Every Christmas eve, the was the much anticipated Midnight Mass, complete with the choir and the Nativity play. When I was a child I was absolutely taken with the whole tradition of the mass, and then in high school I had the opportunity to get involved with putting the play together and accompanying the choir on the piano..... awww that was absolutely grand!! Moe..... remember the door and all those lights hahah ?!!;)
There was carolling aroun the neighbourhood, going to the annual kids' christmas party held at the hospital. I remember Bruce Springsteen singing Merry Christmas Baby, Elvis Presley belting Blue Christmas, Celine Dion, Kenny G, the Gregorian Chant, Whitney Houston's magical version of Do You Hear What I Hear...... I have a particular Christmas memory for all these songs and so many more.

At the risk of sounding like a christmas commercial....
its just a warm and fuzzy feeling all round.

Wishing you a special Christmas and special times all the days of your life.

little pleasures

2006-11-25T13:41:00.000Z

I was reading up on Silicosis, an occupational lung disease caused by inhalation of crystalline silica dust. Anyway, blessed with an attention span of an ant, I got bored of the books and decided to WIKI the topic on silicosis, and from the entire article, this is the one pearl of knowledge that caught my attention :

The full name for this disease is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

Now try and let that roll off your tongue! This 45 lettered word is the longest word in the English dictionary and basically serves no other purpose than as a 'trophy word'!!!

So yes, these are the little perks that come with studying about weird and wonderful conditions. I have now acquired an ice-breaker for those moments when you're struggling for something to say:-

Karen: Hi..so how's it going..... (awkward silence) ...... sooooooo, did you know that the longest word in the English language has
45 letters!!!
The Other Person: Ohh!!! Cool! What would that word be???
Karen: Its Pneumo.... pneumono..... errr.....

You stand and stutter and stand and stutter,long enough that the person whom you're trying to talk to must be thinking to him/herself "Awwww.... she's one of the 'special' people!"
Suddenly the awkward silence is not so deafening after all!

be

2006-11-24T14:58:00.000Z

"Resolve to be thyself. And know that he who finds himself, loses his misery"

-Matthew Arnold-

60 minutes

2006-11-10T18:49:00.000Z

These days, I find myself on hour long bus rides to get to my current rotation. During these 60 minutes or so, I often find myself watching the pedestrians scurrying to and fro, with everyone always looking like there's somewhere else that they have to be. So many nameless faces painted with expressions that betray their thoughts and feelings or perhaps expressions that strive to mask the truth.I look at them and wonder what's running through their minds as they bustle through the streets?? The woman in a pair of 5 inch heels walking past my bus might be thinking- "Gosh.... so many people on that bus... ...please don't trip or slip up... they might be watching... they might laugh! Common... look confident! Chin up!"

Then there are those with a big bold "FUCK OFF" sign on their forehead!! Maybe they had an argument with the spouse about being late for dinner.... yet again! Maybe the sex was bad last night.. or they didn't get any all together! Maybe they're just bitter and pissed off at the world.... but then aren't most grown-ups!!! Then again,maybe they've just got a real mother of a toothache!

Yesterday on my way back home in the evening, I saw this guy in a suit walk out of a florist with this gorgeous bouquet of flowers and into the car. It made me smile! Then I thought wait a minute,a bouquet of roses could be a good thing or a bad thing.... and next thing you know I had this little string of dramas going on in my head that....

He could be this wife beating ogre who was going home to ask for pardon for his violent transgressions and to tell the wife that he really really does love her....that he just loses control.....he doesn't mean anything when he leaves a bruise over her cheekbone, or when he thrashes and throws her around like a hackie sack! He does it out of 'love'. Of course when your husband who has mistaken you to be an animated punching bag for the past 5 years, comes home 'misty eyed', with flowers in one hand and the millionth apology in the other....you automatically forgive him right??? I mean after all she probably thinking "Awww... he brought me flowers!!"
We just loveeee our vicious cycles!!!

or

He might be going over to the mistress' for the evening, bringing her sexy red roses to seduce the pants off her and to apologize for not spending time with her over the weekend because his daughter had a piano recital and the wife's parent's were over from Dover for the weekend.

or

He was taking the flowers home to set it up in the bathroom with candles, along with a vanilla scented bath. His pregnant wife's been having abit of a stressfull time with work and all... so he thought he'd surprise her with the treat.

Who's to say what the fate of those flowers were.....if anything it gave me something to do for the time I was stuck in traffic.... on the bus!

intermission VII

2006-10-17T15:42:00.000+01:00

Haha... found yet another list. This time its....
Most Annoying Songs to Get Stuck in Your Head

1. Its a Small World After All (that can make anyone suicidal!!!) haha Seriously!
2. I love you, you love me, we are one big family.....
3. This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends,
some people say............and this is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends....
*haha can you imagine... if you were sentenced to solitary confinement and had this playing 24/7*
4. The sun'll come out...tomorrow! So you gotta hang on till tomorrow! *cringe*
5. Any Christmas song when it's not Christmas time

Haha... which one have you got stuck in your head now ;)

in a nutshell

2006-10-10T14:13:00.000+01:00

Our souls will guide us to perfection if we let it.
Our hearts will break us and make us.
Our minds will bring us closer to the truth.
And our mistakes will magnify the pricelessness and significance of all of the above.

-karen l-

of mistakes

2006-10-06T16:15:00.000+01:00

Many of us are so afraid of making mistakes and of the mistakes that have been made.
Some live with little chips of regret, or embarrasment...even guilt. All these emotions are inevitable, and we will be plagued by them whether we like to admit it or not! As long as they don't manifest in your mind and heart and take control of present life, its grand because these whirlwind of ill feelings are part of what makes our misadventures real. What's more, why is it that we shun away from the things we've done wrong, said wrong....or thought wrong?? It always seems easier to drape it with denial and pretend like it never happened. Trial and error is what shapes who we are, so we should claim ownership of all our little trips and falls, draw strength from them and learn. That way, they won't seem like lurking ghosts, but more like building blocks.50 years from know we'll look back, with a little laugh, and think to ourselves " Haha...I actually did that... big big mistake ... but oh well... I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for those idiotic traipses!!"

"And not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knwoing that affliction produces endurance; and with endurance comes proven character; and with proven character there is hope."
-Romans 5:3-4-

of life and lyrics

2006-09-28T14:44:00.000+01:00

This is an absolutely legendary song by Sting.... the lyrics are just stunning....kinda sums it all up really!

The Book of My Life

Let me watch by the fire and remember my days
And it may be a trick of the firelight
But the flickering pages that trouble my sight
Is a book I'm afraid to write

It's the book of my days, it's the book of my life
And it's cut like a fruit on the blade of a knife
And it's all there to see as the section reveals
There's some sorrow in every life

If it reads like a puzzle, a wandering maze
Then I won't understand 'til the end of my days
I'm still forced to remember,
Remember the words of my life

There are promises broken and promises kept
Angry words that were spoken, when I should have wept
There's a chapter of secrets, and words to confess
If I lose everything that I possess
There's a chapter on loss and a ghost who won't die
There's a chapter on love where the ink's never dry
There are sentences served in a prison I built out of lies

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

There's a chapter on fathers a chapter on sons
There are pages of conflicts that nobody won
And the battles you lost and your bitter defeat,
There's a page where we fail to meet

There are tales of good fortune that couldn't be planned
There's a chapter on god that I don't understand
There's a promise of Heaven and Hell but I'm damned if I see

Now the daylight's returning
And if one sentence is true
All these pages are burning
And all that's left is you

-sting-

....and with the patience of angels

2006-09-18T13:12:00.000+01:00

"Live then beloved children of my heart, and never forget that until the day God deigns to reveal the future to man, the sum of all human wisdom will be continued in these two words :
WAIT and HOPE!"

-the count of monte cristo-

of coffee and vadais

2006-09-15T13:35:00.000+01:00

I was sitting on the bus this morning, heading to class,and found myself reminiscing about my summer...and this was one of the few memories that will always,always stick!

It was a grey afternoon, and there was a deluge in Petaling Jaya.It was the day I was heading back to Glasgow, and my mum and me had just finished some errands. My dad and my brother came to meet us and we swapped partners, with my brother and mum heading off to go get groceries and get my brother's hair cut,whilst my dad and I went in the opposite direction to collect laundry. On our way to the laundrematte, my dad and I stopped by Raju's restaurant in Jalan Chantek ( for those of you who know PJ/KL, you know where I'm talking about).
They serve amazing ayam goreng (fried chicken) and roti canai aww man.... so yeah back to the point....we had coffee, vadais and curry puffs. Being quite tired after all the running about with last minute bits and bobs to tie up, the chat was at its minimal....besides that,the fact that I was already feeling pretty miserable at the prospect of leaving home that night..... was just adding fuel to the fire!
But nevertheless, as we sat there in this open air hot-favourite amongst us locals, with the rain setting a very damp yet cozy background and piping hot coffee clasped in hands.... I thought to myself, "This is nice, so very very nice!! Me and my dad."
It was perfect...the quiet between the two of us was sublime. Its one of those moments where words would've just exponentially diminished the beauty of that afternoon...between my father and me.

of beautiful endings and great beginnings

2006-08-22T19:46:00.000+01:00

My brief summer vacation back home has drawn to a close. Its been a really really good one, as I managed to spend some pretty quality time with my parents, involving priceless conversations. Also, I was actually in the country at the right time to witness a good friend exchange wedding vows. I've missed two weddings of my peers and being in attendance for this was really something. The bride looked like a angelic porcelain doll on the hand of her strapping husband. The reception was elegant and ended with a dance session...to some pretty rocking 80's classics. Congrats Moe and Rose....may you both have many many years together defined by bliss and love!!

My holidays at home had quite the finale and I will always treasure it. Enough said!

I am now back at Glasgow, carrying on with the pursuit of medical knowledge, well trying to at least.Its a brand new academic year, and a whole new ball game.....the bases are clear and I have a chance to hit that home run!
Everything's been so hectic, that I haven't and the time to let home-sickness set it. Its my first day back, and I'm writing this from the Glasgow Royal Infirmary on my lunch break. As with every beginning, 'its' all slightly daunting and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells....and only time will tell whether I end up breaking too many of those shells!!!!

namaste

2006-07-28T11:50:00.000+01:00

Its now 4.20pm, and I'm sitting in a quaint little booth in an internet cafe in Kovalam,Kerala;South India. Yes, my travels have brought me home to my roots. I have been in India for almost a month now and have enjoyed almost every single moment of it, where I got sick..... yes I was a victim of the infamous 'travellers diarrhoea' ,only mine was quite a dazzling show of gastronomical pyrotechnics (I really don't want to rehash the details, as I'm sure you wouldn't want me to either...so I'm hoping you get my drift;) I was admitted for 2 days,and being a patient in a rural Indian hospital was really quite an experience. Once I got passed that, awww man everything has been super like. I live in a little village with a lovely family. The food is mainly vegetarian....good vegetarian good. I've had less than 1 litre of Coca-Cola in the past four weeks , NO COFFEE in the past four weeks ( and for those of you who know me.... yeah ...THIS ALMOST COMPLETE ABSENCE OF CAFFEINCE IN MY LIFE IS A MILESTONE OF MONUMENTAL SIGNIFICANCE) . Its very quiet here, and when I'm not working at the hospital, I find myself left alone with my thoughts. Its a good break....time to take stock sorta thing.
Being in India and living among the people has been one of the most humbling experiences ever. I've met some really lovely locals and the family I stay with have adopted me as their own. I cycle to work almost every morning.... me,Karen who is completely devoid of hand -eye coordination riding a bicycle on the chaotic streets of Tirunelvelli (the town) ......where cars, auto-rickshaws,massive busses, lorries, cows, goats ,dogs ,pedestrians and cyclists ALL HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY...RIGHT AT THE SAME TIME. I wish my parents were here to see that!!!!
Working here has been an eye-opener. I have assisted in surgeries, drilled open plaster casts, helped deliver babies.......I could go on and on,but I'm tired of typing...(you might be tired of reading).... in a nutshell, from a medical perspective, its been an invaluable exposure.
I'm done my fair share of travelling and sight seeing as well.What can I say except that the sights I've seen are breathtaking and glorious. Yesterday,I was at the southern tip, the tail end of India.....a place called Kanyakumari.....awwww man....there are no words. (will post pictures soon).
So yes, this is my last weekend here and will be flying back to KL for a short stint.

Man, I'm having fun:)

Ps: Himara, you should see my nails.... you'd be proud.

do you see what i see

2006-05-26T00:07:00.000+01:00

how many dolphins can you count up?

smile

2006-05-17T13:08:00.000+01:00

the song says it all.....

Smile though your heart is aching,
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by.

If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shinning through for you.

Light up your face with gladness.
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near.

That's the time
You must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worth-while,

If you just smile.

Music composed by Charlie Chaplin
Lyrics by John Turner & Geoffrey Parsons

so here's what i think....

2006-05-15T22:04:00.000+01:00

Everything unfolds in its own time.

If its not supposed to happen now, it won't!

When you least expect it, there's a warm hello, a familiar nod, a warm smile 'round the corner or from across the room.

You may have ideals, but they not necessarily have to happen to you.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.... otherwise just shut up!

All you need is a realisation of what your purpose in life is. Once you have that, you're complete.

The 12th of May 2006 was the very definition of surrealism.

Those of you who think you're invisible to the world, well you are.... but aren't all angels??

broken silences and beautiful smiles

2006-05-12T19:10:00.000+01:00

It took an entire year and a half,for a decent few sentences to be exchanged between these two very painfully shy individuals. They never spoke, only stole curious gazes from time to time. And then, on an oh so unsuspecting Friday afternoon, in the cafeteria, he ended the lull and finally did say something.
She could not believe it..... this intriguing chap does speak after all.
She could not believe it.... she reciprocated the conversation with ease and without constipation. After the brief and bashfull reparte, she sat back and thought how surprising life is......
like -seriously...holy shit..... that didn't just happen-kinda surprising.
The twisting and turning of events, collosal or remotely miniscule, that lead us all up to various moments in our life...moments that will be cherished forever...moments that will make you cry till you go blue in the face.....moments that form the most intricate mosaic of all time ....our lives!

She sat back and thought...
"Today I made a new friend....there is no longer a deafening silence but instead, just a beautiful smile."

on a high

2006-04-29T12:34:00.000+01:00

Adverts generally are be the bane of my affair with the silver screen. But then, just before the mediocrity of these duplicitous marketing gimmicks manage to induce projectile vomitting, something catches your breath, and suddenly you're rendered speechless, in complete and indescribable awe.
The advert that has taken a hold as such of me is Sky One's (UK cable TV company) ad featuring Danny Way, one of the most legendary skate-boarders of his time.
HONESTLY!!!! The videography is bloody awesome and the accompanying music by Regina Spektor (the song is entitled Us) very poetically contrasts with the whole extreme element of this sport.....very cool....very cool indeed.

That's a shot from the videoclip. 'Nuff said. ;)

www.dannyway.com

the monologue

2006-04-26T22:11:00.000+01:00

Warning: Confusion is a potential side effect.

LADIES AND GENTS, SIT BACK AND TRY TO ENJOY THE SHOW!

*Curtains open .Girl sitting on a chair with mug of coffee in hand addresses the audience*

"I had a very long and arduous debate with a good friend of mine recently about absolutes. He was of the opinion that nothing is absolute and I was of the opposing house. According to him, in this life, nothing has a finite value on it, everything is around us and we ourselves are vulnerable to change and evolution. Fair enough that as individuals, yes I would like to think that we are able to change for the betterment for ourselves and for that of the human race;otherwise we'd be doomed to a static life that would inevitably become stale. Nevertheless, there are certain things that I think are absolute i.e. death (a physical death is an unavoidable part of our earthly lives). In philosophy, the absolute refers to the totality of things. In my opinion , sometimes for things to make sense in life, there hs to be some form of absolution, otherwise life becomes this constant state of limbo, where uncertainty predominates and chaos may possibly supervene. We all go through life and encounter so many people and we find ourselves in various situations..... the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the complicated..... and yes we may come out of them unscathed with only fond memories or we emerge wiser and stronger with lessons learnt, but for each situation, there is an ending, there has to be.....otherwise................ it'll be like free falling through space!! Human beings(at least most of us) need that sense of closure, whether it is the closure they would like to have or not, its a finale all the same. This is beacuse of the simple fact that with absolution comes peace and you're not left like a strand of thread that's been left out of that big ball of yarn. We can move on not having to be constantly looking over our shoulders and wondering....... what if? when? who? what next?

Maybe absolutes are relative.....haha could I confuse the matter anymore?? To each individual, what they consider to be finite is comparable to the person next to them. Maybe for some, they fall in love with that one perfect person and that's it. They cannot conceive of the idea that it isn't absolute. They believe in the ideal of the one true north and that's it. For others, they do not believe in the totality of a single soul mate and may be in love with A this year but is completely open to the possibility of falling in love with B the following spring.

This is only one of the many examples that can be drawn upon, and this rant of mine, is the opening act to a potentially infinite theatrical production. There obviously is no right or wrong way to think about this. It is up to you to choose how you want your play to materialise .......write your own ending or anti-ending, whatever the case may be.

As for this stage, the lights have dimmed, the curtain has fallen and I'm going to take a bow...... for now;)"

*Light's fade out*

his name is V

2006-03-29T14:25:00.000+01:00

My latest rendevous at the cinema was with Hugo Weaving and Natalie Portman.
V for Vendetta was brilliantly done. I've been told by comic connoiseurs that the movie doesn't hold exactly true to the comic strip... (but if you put that aside) I think it was a fantastic ride. This was one of my favourite bits of the script........

Voilà!
In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate.
This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified.
However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V

...and then aristophanes said

2006-03-29T14:04:00.000+01:00

The Symposium is a Socratic dialogue by yours truly,Plato. Aristophanes appears in the Symposium, where he gives a humourous, mythical account of love. This is an excerpt from it.....
Thanks Dave!!!

He professes to open a new vein of discourse, in which he begins by treating of the origin of human nature.
The sexes were originally three,men, women, and the union of the two; and they were made round--having four hands, four feet, two faces on a round neck, and the rest to correspond.
Terrible was their strength and swiftness; and they were essaying to scale heaven and attack the gods.
Doubt reigned in the celestial councils; the gods were divided between the desire of quelling the pride of man and the fear of losing the sacrifices.
At last Zeus hit upon an expedient. Let us cut them in two, he said; then they will only have half their strength, and we shall have twice as many sacrifices.
He spake, and split them as you might split an egg with an hair; and when this was done, he told Apollo to give their faces a twist and re-arrange their persons, taking out the wrinkles and tying the skin in a knot about the navel. The two halves went about looking for one another, and were ready to die of hunger in one another's arms. Then Zeus invented an adjustment of the sexes, which enabled them to marry and go their way to the business of life. Now the characters of men differ accordingly as they are derived from the original man or the original woman, or the original man-woman. Those who come from the man-woman are lascivious and adulterous; those who come from the woman form female attachments; those who are a section of the male follow the male and embrace him, and in him all their desires centre. The pair are in separable and live together in pure and manly affection; yet they cannot tell what they want of one another. But if Hephaestus were to come to them with his instruments and propose that they should be melted into one and remain one here and hereafter, they would acknowledge that this was the very expression of their want. For love is the desire of the whole, and the pursuit of the whole is called love. There was a time when the two sexes were only one, but now God has halved them,--much as theLacedaemonians have cut up the Arcadians,--and if they do not behave themselves he will divide them again, and they will hop about with half a nose and face in basso relievo. Wherefore let us exhort all men to piety,that we may obtain the goods of which love is the author, and be reconciled to God, and find our own true loves, which rarely happens in this world. And now I must beg you not to suppose that I am alluding to Pausanias and Agathon, for my words refer to all mankind everywhere.

Maybe someday, this myth will descend upon our hearts as the ultimate reality of love........

i love this game

2006-03-25T04:30:00.000Z

I am currently doing my second of three surgical rotations at another hospital................ and the past 2 weeks have been bloody spectacular as far as the pursuit of medical knowledge and honing clinical skills can be spectacular. Its amazing how life can just sneak up on you and bring to your attention the most lovely people....... haha those who build your confidence in little ways and makes you feel like you actually belong! Being on the male dominated surgical ward, the old grand lords of surgery, take you under their wing ....I suddenly feel like I've been bestowed with all these grandfathers, some of whom were absolute darlings. During these past two weeks, a grand realisation has struck like lightning... and I'm know for sure more than ever that I coudln't see myself doing anything else but being a doctor..... anything can happen.... anyone can happen..... but as long as I will be able to practise medicine in the future...... ITS ALL GOOD!

to ch,ikm, amd, ej....thank you!

the best friend

2006-03-15T15:52:00.000Z

to my darling fatso, year after year I will tell the tale, so here's to you....with all my love and hugs....... HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! -slbbk- ;)

Once upon a time, 24 years ago today, a baby boy was born into this world.
He was affectionately bestowed the name Turkey by his brother from another mother and for old times sake shall be referred to as that….anyways, moving on, little did anyone know what this name would come to mean in the years to come....especially with concerned the other sex. So little Turkey grew up, like any other kid over the years and by the time he reached high school, puberty hit and the rest ....well if I told you ...you wouldn't believe me. (But here goes anyways)

He was known as the 'Gazebo God' ....He'd pass through the school fields and the girls would flock out just to get a glimpse of this 8th wonder of the world. All they needed was a peek.....that was enough to quench their hormone driven thirsts. Even the mothers all over his home town were infatuated with Turkey. He could do no wrong in their eyes. Bit by bit he was conquering the world.....and he didn't even know it.

Then he came to uni and again his charm and suaveness wafted through the corridors like a drug. He could even melt the stone cold faces of security guards who most often than not, used us as target practice. You had to be there to believe it. "Fortunately" enough for me ....I was there. Over time, we became friends and I had the privilege of witnessing how the girls would hang on his every word. Hahah… I’d give him such a hard time about it and he would just laugh the 'what can I do, I'm so amazing' laugh.

I have had so many many ABSOLUTELY amazing times with this priceless friend of mine ( so many that I'm afraid I'll forget some). Crawling through parks at 3 in the morning, eating wild boar curry at 4.30am, climbing up Commanwealth Hill after an all nighter and watching the sunrise... hahah slipping down a slope (well that was just me actually, at the time he was incapacitated and all he could do was laugh)...eating Ramlee burgers by the road side, fist fights that I so badly lost...pillow fights.... that yeah ...badly lost again,endless balcony conversations ...the list goes on and on.
When we were dispersed by the winds of destiny to further our over-priced education abroad, one of my greatest fears was that I would lose this royal pain in the ass....but as I've some to realize, since I've been in Glasgow, he's not someone you CAN lose…even if you tried. He'll always be there.....somewhere. It’s like music from another room. You in a room and you can hear music coming from the other side. Then a train passes and drowns the music out for awhile. When it’s quiet again, you're still humming in perfect time and sequence with the music....like it was never gone! That's how I would describe our friendship. Okay, that was about as much sentimentality as you're going read!!!

The girlfriends. H, D, F, L, J.......Their lives would not have been the same had they never have dated Turkey. For some, they experienced what true love and a gentleman was really all about for the first time. For some, it was a teenage fantasy fulfilled. For some it was he was their first true love, and for one he was her perfect love and she was his.

The flings. F, S, S, S, J, Nibble Nibble, .....Their lives would not have been the same had they not encountered Turkey. Now they know that legends like him DO actually exist. For some, it was a one night of lust and amazing gratification .For some it was innocent and flirtatious. For some it was a matter of sensuous dancing and a handsome helping of NIBBLE! For Turkey, he was embracing one of life’s miracles….. WOMEN!

The friends- Baby Eagle, Mao Tse Tung , Whisper-Whisper, Crl, Prs, Nat, Pad...Turkey has been blessed with an amazing network of friends. They have shared some really really treasured times together. That in its own entity deserves to be written up as another book. I reckon it would make for a fantastic read.

That's was a brief glimpse into Turkey’s past (just skimming the surface really)!!!Presently, he’s continuing his medical studies and will graduate in 2007.
As for his future, well I'm not a fortune teller but merely a humble storyteller...but this much I can boldly say.......the REST of the world better brace itself 'cause the Turkey is coming!!!!! So there! This is just the tip of the ice-berg of this legendary best friend of mine. If you want the full length version of it.....well you'll just have to get to know him .....or come and find me sometime in the future.Best bet is I'll probably be telling this story to my grandchildren on a porch somewhere at the end of the world.
THE END

the letter

2006-03-14T17:27:00.000Z

When I'm 70 years, with a silver crown of hair, when my skin no longer snugly fits the frame... I hope I will be able to tell my children about the magic of aging....just as it is so ideally and divinely described in the following letter.....

Thanks to Sarah who found the letter in the newspaper....I probably should start reading the papers.... I seem to be missing out;)

The other day, my granddaughter asked me how I felt about being old.
I was taken aback: I don't think of myself as old.
Seeing my reaction, she was embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question.
Old age, I decided, is a gift.
I'm now probably for the first time in my life, the person I've always wanted to be.
Not my body - sometimes I despair over that, but I don't agonise for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life and my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly.
As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, less critical.
I've become my own friend. I don't scold myself for eating that extra biscuit, for mot making my bed or for buying that silly cement gnome (which looks so avant garde on my patio).
I'm entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I've seen too many friends leave this world too soon, before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.
Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4am and sleep until noon?
I dance by myself to those wonderful tunes of the Fifties and Sixties - and if I wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I know I'm sometimes forgetful - but some of life is better forgotten, and I eventually remember the important things.
Over the years my heart has been broken.
How can your heart not break when you loose a loved one or when a child suffers?
But broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding and compassion.
I'm blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn grey and to have my youthful laughs forever etched in deep grooves on my face.
I can say 'no' and mean it. I can say 'yes' and mean it.
As you get older it's easier to be definite.
You care less about what other people think.
I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So - I like being old. It has set me free.
I like the person I have become.
I'm not going to live forever, but while I'm still here, I won't waste time moaning about what might have been or worrying about what will be.
For the first time in my life, I don't have a reason to do the things I don't want to do.
If I want to play games on the computer all day, lie on the settee and watch old films for hours, I have earned that right.
I have put in my time doing everything for others, so now I can be a bit selfish without feeling guilty.
I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far different world from the one I knew growing up, where we feared the law, respected the old, the King and Queen, and our country.
I never felt the need to use filthy language in order to express myself.
And in any case, the young will also grow old someday.
I'm grateful to have been born when I was, into a kinder, gentler world.
Yes, I like being old....

-Pony Moore, Droxford, Hants-

the birthday party

2006-03-04T23:16:00.000Z

I turned 24 .... and the couple of weeks leading up to that was pretty interesting to say the least. Its 11pm now and I'm in my room, reminiscing (yeah yeah I know.. could I be anymore of a cliche.....but its my birthday...I'm entitled;) ) . Retrospective insight has lead to this conclusion: I have had one hell of a rollercoaster ride ...so far.Good, bad, sad, ecstatic, hilarious, unforgettable, educational, intense moments and events that are like pieces of a jigsaw that is gradually taking form. I won't get to see the big grand picture, my kids and their kids probably will, but its okay because its not about the big picture, but the individual pieces that make up that grand design. Every piece has its own story to tell.

These are some of those pieces from this year's turning of age.......

yaopey smearing my entire face with chocolate sauce.....I soooo did not see that coming!!!

peter amused and me wellllll...

dave, amused henk, sarah, 1/8th of andrew's head,1/16th of kevin's head, amy, gleefull poyi, jaspreet playing it cool, mei kiang, and me, loving my cake

henk(striped shirt) and dave cornering me before
i was forced to spell MISSISIPPI with my butt
to the entire room!!!

MISSISIPPI...that's how its done!! the crouching insect is mr yong yao pey!!!
master planner extrodinare.... yaopey, i will have my revenge!!

before the humiliation and chaos.... olly attempting to balance a spoonful of rice over my head....which DID NOT succeed!!!... me, completely oblivious... and andrew,looking very satisfied

sassy, saucy, sarky sarah....you rock!!!

base upwards- novalia, me, amy and poyi..... i think we may have fractured novalia's femur... that look says to me that she's trying to figure it out!

These are but a few of the stills from a very precious night..... to all of you who made my birthday.....from the bottom of my 24 year old heart, I THANK YOU!!!!

without reason

2006-02-28T08:20:00.000Z

It was one of those mornings, where you woke up enveloped in this unexplainable yet welcomed sense of serenity and joy. It was 5.45am and the morning stillness was the only thing I heard (apart from the my shuffling about the room) as I got dressed and geared up to get to the hospital. As I sat in the train, the rising sun was slowly beginning to show her radiant face...ray by ray, until finally the sprawling fields along which the train whizzed passed were ablaze. I sat there completely taken by this unfolding miracle of nature. So many times we are surrounded by little occurances like these and never fully grasp the magnitude of its glory, so this time I decided to actually consciously be present in that moment.
It was one of those days, where you couldn't help but smile and this smile was real because you could feel it surfacing from within and not just the opposite ends of your mouth stretching outwards. Suddenly smiling to one's self didn't seem so crazy.
These days, when joy and happiness have no underlying cause and you feel like that just because, are days to treasure. That kind of elation is sincere, independant of any rhyme or reason, and not answerable to any earthly influences.
These are days when life is magnified, our senses are heightened and we get to experience a little bit of perfection.

another terrific song

2006-02-21T13:41:00.000Z

Anyone can loose it all
Anyone can loose it all
If you don't heed your warnings call
Anyone can loose it all.

Anyone can make a mess
Anyone can make a mess
Just take so much and make it less
Anyone can make a mess.

When you got time and streets making saints & sinners
Ink on sheets makin' losers and winners
Well it's not what your dreams should be.

Anyone can be a saint
Well anyone can be a saint
Well you just forget that you ain't
Well we can go and be a saint.

Anyone can be a star
Well anyone can be a star
We'll just get in your car
And we can go and be a star.

When you got time and streets making saints & sinners
Ink on sheets makin' losers and winners
Well it's not what your dreams should be.

You know I wish we had more time
You know I wish we had more time
You know I think it was a crime
The things we waste trying to not waste our time.

When you got time and streets making ends for beginners
Shuffling feets all these losers and winners
Well it's not what your dreams should be.

-saints and sinners-
by
paddy casey

intermission IV

2006-02-20T19:46:00.000Z

1. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

2. Expert : Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash

3. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

4. Headless Body Found in Topless bar

5. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

6. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test group

7. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

8. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

9. Expert : Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash

10. Heat Wave Linked to Temperatures

These are supposedly actual headlines that were printed in actual newspapers. There's a whole list of them.........check it out for yourself: http://www.keepersoflists.org/hof.php

for you

2006-02-19T19:23:00.000Z

"The heart does things for reasons that reason cannot understand."

That line is from the movie "Frankie and Johnny".
Sadly though, sometimes we don't have enough courage to let ourselves do that one thing that our hearts so want to do.
I'd love to ask you to have coffe and caramels, but I wouldn't know how to ask.
I'd love to ask you to dance, but you might say no.
I'd love to sit and laugh with you, let the hours burn away, but I am too shy.
I'd love to watch the sunrise with you, but I'm afraid that the sun might set on our friendship all together.

I'd love to do a great many things with you, but I don't know if you would too?

...and because of this great reservation of mine, I guess we might never know!

its a case of ....

2006-02-17T15:44:00.000Z

Preface
In medicine, when a patient comes through the doors complaining of a headache, or
chest pain, the doctor takes a full pain history which involves a specific series of question regarding the discomfort they feel. Then a provisional diagnosis is made, and investigations are carried out (X-rays, CT scans, blood work etc). Subsequently, the diagnosis is confirmed and they deliberate on the prognosis of the case.
What follows is a case history of heartache. It is not based on any one person..its more of a generic example....plus I was bored. In the interest of ethics, the names, times, dates and locations have been fictionalized.

Time: 3am
Date: 1 February 2002
Attending Physician: Dr. I . Mainline Caffeine
Location: Manhattan Institute for the Brokenhearted

X walked into the doctor's room, and crumpled into a heap in the chair.... the chair where the healing supposedly begins. Dr. MC (as he was affectionately knownto his colleagues), who had seen too many of these casualities was weary and was beginning to wonder if in fact misery had become the condition rather than the exception and that happiness, had dissolved into a modern day myth. Anyway, he did a complete work up of the patient. A verbal catharsis and a couple of cups of coffee later, this is the case report that transpired from that midnight repartee between doctor and patient.

Presenting Complaint: Pain
Onset: 3 months ago
Frequency: Constant
Site of Pain: Left side of chest (patient pointed to heart)
Radiation of Pain: Everywhere
Etiology (cause): Y
Character of Pain:
Dull and boring pain.
"Like a heaviness that is weighing down on me".
Severity: 11 (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most severe)
Aggravating factors: Thinking; memories; music; idleness
Relieving factors: Alcohol; sleeping pills
Associated symptoms: Insomnia;loss of appetite;nausea;fatigue;tearfulness

No other remarkable findings

Investigations carried out:
Full blood count
Toxicology screen
Echocardiogram (checks the functionality of heart)
Mini Mental State Examinantion

Diagnosis:
Amorous insufficiency , secondary to relationship failure.

Management:
Cognitive behavioural therapy
Social support
(As this disorder is usually self-limiting, no medication was indicated,
instead, the "watchful waiting" method was employed)

Prognosis: Fairly good

General comments:

This is a fairly common problem, possibly a rite of passage even, for most of us. Some people handle it better than others; it is variable from person to person. The outlook for this condition is usually a good one, and is very very very rarely terminal. It predominantly depends on individuals' coping strategies and will power to get better. They have to understand however, the course of healing is a protracted one and there are no instant results. Supplementary to the
fore mentioned management suggested, forgiveness of the cause, who/whatever it may be, is found to bring considerable relief and closure to the patient. Closure is paramount in cases like these, otherwise, the risk of a relapse is high.
I am positive that with a little help from X's friends, the patient above will make a full recovery.

the doomed dreamer

2006-02-15T21:38:00.000Z

Was she asking to much when......

She dreamed of a world where people weren't taken at face value; where one didn't form unjustified assumptions and prejudices towards the guy next to him.

She dreamed of a place where people were free to be who they truly were, that they didn't have to suffocate themselves and pretend for the sake of being accepted and loved.

In the place of jealousy, condemnation and hatred, she wished for acceptance, warmth and love.

Where people said what they meant and meant what they said. No smoke-screens....no facades.

She didn't want societal perfection, but merely for some sense that the world wasn't free falling into an abyss.
She wasn't perfect herself, not even remotely close.
She was trying to get life right the first time round, maybe she tried to hard?!

She believed in a love that was infinite and divine, an unparalleled feeling that shouldn't ever be taken for granted.

She dreams of these ideals as a meditation.
She dances this dance alone.... sometimes its hard to hear the music and she goes out of step.
Is there anyone who will dance with her and always keep her in time?

She lives in dreams with the naive belief that someday....just someday, the dream might transpire into the living.

As for now, she walks this earth, not expecting, only hoping.

the word according to me

2006-01-17T21:41:00.000Z

I'm currently on a learning disability rotation, and there's this activity, which I'm sure alot of people are familiar with - WORD ASSOCIATION. It is one of those excercises whereby the facilitator shows the patient/subject a picture of something or lists a series of items (animate/inanimate/ abstract or otherwise), and they're supposed to say the first thing they think of or what they associate the picture with. This activity is 'supposed' to give a glimpse of the inner workings of one's mind.... I'm skeptical! However, this is what I had come up with:

Child: The best age to be
Book: Parallel universe
Food: Mum's cooking
Baseball bat: Anger management
Music: Smile
Movie: Wishful thinking/ A safe place
Grass: Simplicity
Dogs: Doogie and Tiger
Clouds: Secondary 2
North: Massacheusettes
Future: Present
Imagination: A hazardous but most precious gift
Solitude: Genius
Life: Enigma
Friends: Man or Myth?
Love: Mum and Dad and Mark
Soul: Perfection

hello/goodbye

2006-01-01T16:43:00.000Z

It's 12.44am, the 2nd of January, 2006 and in 13 hours I will find myself once again air bound for Glasgow. Its been an amazing Christmas holiday despite it's berevity. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. Caught up with and laughed my face to a bluey hue with old friends. Hung out mum and dad, ate wholesome, REAL, home cooked Indian food,vegetated in front of the television .....and not forgetting of course literally rolled around in the grass with my dogs.ABSOLUTE BLISS!!
My two weeks here at home have vaporized before my very eyes.... it was more like a transit than a holiday.
You come, you go... people come, people go.... one year flows into another...nothing is forever.
George Harrison said it best - All Things Must Pass..... the ultimate epitaph in my opinion.
But that's just life isn't it, everything is and always will be in this inevitable state of constant flux. Just when you think you're settling in, the rug's pulled off right from under you and you find yourself at the beginning of another chapter in this story of your life. Does change and adaptation get any easier the more times you go through it...sort of like a desensitization process?? Does it get any easier as your age ripens??
For my sake I'd like to hope that it does, but I'm pessimistic at that prospect.
The one thing there is to look forward to I suppose, is that there's always a chance for a fresh start, a new beginning, a better today than yesterday, given that our hearts are still hopeful and our souls are not jaded.
So another year has gone by, my holidays at home have come to a close, I will miss 2005 but I will not forget all the wonderful surprises, amazing adventures and valuable lessons that life dealt out to me that year.

what they say

2005-12-14T23:02:00.000Z

They say every cloud has a silver lining..... well most of the time its pretty hard to see it!

They say all things happen for a reason.... but the reason takes too damn long to surface, or it doesn't at all.

They say if its meant to be it will happen in time...... well the patience is at the end of a rapidly fraying rope.

They say have faith for the world and some of the answers you seek will be revealed to you in good time..... when??? The day you reach your expiry date??????

I used to believe in what 'they' say,( I think I still do) but sometimes I wonder maybe..............

the art of letting go

2005-12-05T00:53:00.000Z

It may be the loosening of shackles that hold us back, or saying goodbye to loved ones , or it may be that we finally stop walking on eggshells.... whatever the case these are all various forms of release. And with that the first question I would ask is ----

How do we get ourselves to let go of a dream that seems so perfect and plausible yet most unlikely to materialise into reality.Perhaps we cling to it because there's a miniscule part of us deep, deep, deep down under the cynicism that harbours a hope of the day that the dream might just come true. Perhaps we want to hang on to it because as much as it may frustrate, to let go would mean to forget and lets face it, alot of our lives are lived vicariously in our minds.
Is it futile and self detrimental to preserve some ideas, thoughts, hopes knowing that there's as much a chance of them coming to life as it is for it to snow in the Sahara?
Or are the dreamers the lucky ones who have the luxury of their own 'parallel universes'?

From another angle-Why is it we never let ourselves forget past mistakes and troubles and hurt.... is it because that if we find the will power to get over it, it diminishes the impact of what happened and we will no longer be in the running for martyrdom?
I personally think that if we could just muster the courage to face up, deal and obviously learn from the past and then just leave it behind, lay it to rest,it would be alot easier to get on with life without ever looking back. That's the only way we heal, otherwise it'll be like Groundhog Day.... how traumatic is that?
Do we just hold on because the weight of emotional baggage, good or bad, brings tangibility to our lives?

We've accumulated a thousand memories throughout the years, those birthday candles that were blown out,the sunsets we saw, the Leaning Tower of Pisa we stood by, etc. They were amazing times. But that was then and this is now....this is what counts at this point.What is the point of reminisence? Yes it does bring back warm and fuzzy feelings..... but then we tend to end up clinging on to the past and moving on with life becomes a trudge.I mean how many times have we started a sentence with "Do you remember when..... "and "The last time when I was ...."?? Half the time we're talking in the past tense!!!
Some might even use the previous encounters as yardsticks for the future. If life always exceeds the delights of the years passed then fine, that's brilliant. If it doesn't then ... well therein lies the problem. The only way to get through the hardest times in life is not by wishfully looking back at what was a radiant past (operative word here being PAST), because its just going to amplify the on going crap. Deal with it in the now and make the best of it..... the human heart, soul and mind is capable of so much more than we them credit for.
But no matter how much we try, we are stubborn creatures and will never let things just be....I always look back at childhood photos as they remind me of a carefree, simple,magical time that I will never see again,and the memory becomes a bittersweet haunt. Bitter because it was not eternal and I always end up wishing that things would never had to change.Sweet because at least I was blessed enough to have experienced it. I will never stop missing that part of my life... and that sucks!

And as for death-When spouses, parents,siblings,grandparentspass away, the sense of loss and sorrow is incomprehensible, and part of ourselves will die along with them. We hold on to their memory so ferociously because maybe we're afraid that if we set them free, their existence here on earth might seem dreamlike and insignificant. Maybe its because they've become an integral part of us that without them we will be lost entirely. Death of a loved one is probably one of the hardest trials the human heart has to face. There's the acquiring knowledge of their passing, then the actual acceptance of the matter, and finally of course letting them go and finding peace. How does one do that??? I know I wouldn't want to! What then?

With regards to relationships-If the courtship reaches an unfortunate end because the jerk was cheating on you or because that femme fatale was just experimenting with your heart, how do you let go of that loving feeling we so thrive on.Your mind knows you have to get over it, now if you could just explain the game plan to your heart. The break up may have been years ago, but you're still hung up on it....stuck on the feeling... what then. Will you resign yourself to the role of the scorned lover and swear off romance and passion and the possibility of falling truly madly deeply in love and join the Tibetan monks or for those of you who are not into religion, become one of the sherpas in the Himalayas??
The answer is fairly obvious..... YOU HAVE TO JUST GET OVER IT.YOU JUST DO!!!
You have to allow yourself to let go to heal in the first place and well, because otherwise you'd be shutting out all the wondrous possibilities and your heart will wither away despite efforts to preserve it using the tactic of avoidance.
As for those relationships that have lived to see that day they say 'I do', both parties have to set free the souls of each other, because otherwise it becomes obsession and slavery.... the love will tire and fade away, and all we'll be left with is ownership. As my dad once very eloquently said,
"True love is about setting things free.Free your loved ones so that they can be whatever they wish to be, do not try to create them and tailor them to your fancy, that's God's work. Man's work is to BE."

Life cannot be put on a short leash, because then it suffocates and dies!!!! We try and control everything, anticipate the future so much so that we take for granted this present moment that we're in, moments that will only be appreciated in hindsight.
If only we had the courage to just live for the now and let everything else just be.
Let bygones be bygones..... don't worry about the future because if you're really concerned about the future, you need to pay attention to the present as what you're doing this second will affect the next and the next etc....

Just let it be.... Lennon was definitely on to something!

on the streets of san fransisco

2005-11-30T10:32:00.000Z

My cinematic pilgrimages have been on the decline since October, mostly because I'm currently doing a 5 week rotation outside of Glasgow, in this quaint rural (optimistic replacements for small and isolated) town called Ayr. But seriously the scenery is breathtaking indeed, especially since the kitchen of the house overlooks this massive plain... and when the glory of the morning sun begins to peep into the house.... coupled with the serene solitude of dawn...well moments like those are just too precious for words.
Anyway, I'm grossly digressing from the matter in focus!!!!!!!!!
Yes, like I was saying, the cinema..... anyways, there's this advert by Sony for their new LCD TV screen....you know the one with all the balls. Its a really really beautiful advert. Danish director, Nicolai Fuglsig fired 250,000 multi coloured bouncy balls down a street in San Fransisco. Against the acoustic masterpiece 'Heartbeats' by Jose Gonzalez, this is one of those adverts that really can get to you.....in someway or the other.... then again maybe its just me!!!

Website: www.sony.co.uk/bravia

the talented mr robert downey jr

2005-11-18T13:58:00.000Z

I just got Robert Downey's debut album. Amazing album... a rusty smoky voice and beautiful lyrics...doesn't get any better. This is one of my favourite songs off the album

[broken]

Love in these modern times
There'll be someone new every night
With some other love yarn
To wrap my arms around
No one else can understand

In love with a broken heart
Think I leave today, I cover it all this way
You fell in love with a broken heart
Every eartly breath, a lifeless testimony
In love with a broken heart
Don't you know

God grant me the strength to accept the
things I can change and change them

In love with a broken heart
Face in every cloud, makes me laugh out loud
You fell in love with a broken heart
Shouts to keep it down, wagon draws a crowd
In love with a broken heart
Don't you know

written and performed by
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

old school

2005-10-12T12:21:00.000+01:00

The year was 1982 and I came into this world, screaming the labour ward down... (well at least that's how the story goes at family gatherings).
The year was 1982 when Michael Jakcson's Thriller album sent the world into mass hysteria,selling 20 million copies.
Growing up in the 80's was just awesome. The state of affairs in general was just about right.... not too neanderthallic neither to futuristic. It was COOOOLLL!!! It was the decade of the cabbage patch dolls and Pac Man. Star Wars was born. (the real thing that is)
Everything about the 80's and even early to mid 90s was class...well maybe except the clothing and the big hair and heavy Kabuki mask like makeup!
The music ,the television programmes ....remember The A-Team, MacGyver, Airwolf ,V??? Man I remember me and my dad watching every episode of MacGyver... I mean come on, unpicking locked doors with coat hangers or making explosives using soda water, a watermelon .....umm.... and something else.... well to a 9 year old that's just cool!!! (the only word that comes to mind)... aww and who could forget the theme song of that programme???
Even the cartoons during the time were fairly decent with the likes of The Transformers, Voltron, Thundercats, Jem and My Little Pony and Friends as well as The Care Bears (which I found annoying even then!!)
Now creatures like Barney the Dinosaur and the Teletubbies have found their way to the hearts of children, and not knowing any different, of course your 2 year old niece is going to think that they are the height of kids TV. *sigh of despair*
Even what people call good music these days have taken a twisted turn. I shan't overturn that stone because.... hehe.. well, each to their own , right??
Look at the toys that are manufactured now, no doubt there have been some postitive changes ( can't think of any off the top of my head) but a while back ( in an attempt to rekindle some childhood bliss) I went looking for a simple Lego set- you know the one where you can build a house , or a castle... you'd have to do it yourself from scratch... I LOVED THEM. Much to my dissapointment, they were no where to be found. All the sets now come in parts that are already semi assembled, all you have to do is fix it up together. Now where's the fun in that I ask you??
I could go on and on, but I think those of you who grew up in that decade get my drift.
The now is good , can't complain ....I mean with gadgets like the I-pod that can store 6000 songs and DVDs etc, some of you must think I'm insane to compare. But I feel, sometimes too much modernisation,in any aspect, is not all its cracked up to be. Life loses its creativity and its simplicity. Then again, maybe its just a case of old fashioned-ness, and I'm too comfortable to move!!

the grayness of mathematics

2005-09-08T11:24:00.000+01:00

I've finally moved into my new flat for this year.... and I'm not moving again for as long as I can. Its particularly a bitch when you've accumulated truck loads of absolutely futile artifacts and memorabilia ( ie 2 blue straws,an empty mineral water bottle, hotel pens,) Yes, I would be guilty of hogging....massive anything and everything kinda hogging. Anyways, what has this got to do with math...absolutely nothing! I just thought I'd spice this post with some useless neurotic factoid about myself.
Okay ..... so back to the flat.......,along with an amazing kitchen and pretty class rooms, it was furnished with four other students. One is an Archaeology PhD student, another is a Mathematics PhD student who is also a sucker for trashy TV shows (ahhh a kindred spirit indeed eheheh), the third member of the posse is a Philosophy major who did some specialised branch of politics and computer art and physics and history.... and a buisness masters PhD....something or the other student, and then of coure there's yours truly, the boring everyday medic... we're everywhere !!!! (they were temporary fixtures as they're moving out and will be replaced by 4 very unique and somewhat manic individuals who will undoubtedly make this year one heck of a ride:) )
So everynight for the past week, I have found myself engaged in some pretty fascinating conversations ....especially with the philosophy major. Absolutely priceless I'd have to say. Yesterday, was the last night of all of us living in the same flat they moved out .. so after an hour of watching a mind numbing "TV drama" (LOST ...which was actually fairly decent like), we ended up in some random conversation about maths... don't ask me to decribe the genesis of that conversation ... but yeah.... we ( the philosopher, the mathematician, and the medical student) ended up discussing Goldbach's Conjecture.
This theorem is centuries old and is yet to be proven by anyone. Basically it states that any even number greater than 2 is the sum of 2 prime numbers.Sounds basic...fairly straightforward... but alas it is by far one of the most notoriously elusive mathematical theorems.Being the mathematically challenged individual that I am, I asked if it hasn't been proven all these years,could the hypothesis just be wrong etc.According to the mathematician, you have to either prove or disprove a hypothesis that has been proposed.It jsut can't be dismissed.
He also explained how Kurt Godel said that sometimes in mathematics, there not necesssarily has to be a right or wrong... it could be just neutral.... neither of the above.... a concept that I find hard to grapple with.
How can something as objective as mathematics be so elusive at the same time?? The mysticism of math .... that's what Godel was trying to get across. Very very intriguing indeed.
So until a bright spark in this world can come up with a theorem that proves that any odd number greater than 2 is indeed the sum of 2 prime numbers, this hypothesis just stands as it is...... neither false nor definitely true.
Who will be the one to come up with the proof.....I hope I live to see the day!!!

autopilot

2005-09-05T16:47:00.000+01:00

It's 6 am, the hours of the night have burnt away.
He remembers a dreamless sleep, filled with a void so infinite.
He peels himself of the bed and instinctively trudges to the kitchen where he puts on the kettle.
He's on autopilot as he brushes his teeth, staring into the mirror that reflects someone he can no longer recognize.
Slipping on his favourite jeans.... right leg first, then left.....as always, he looks for a shirt to wear, one that might just make him feel good...feel something...anything!!!
The coffee gets cold on the kitchen counter, and he's running late.
He leaves the flat... gets on the bus.... listening to a CD that drowns out the rest of the world.
Work has become routine and life has turned clockwork.
He might as well be one of the walking dead.
He's afraid of change.... he's afraid to feel.
He knows he's lost, he's looking for something but doesn't know what and can't think where to begin.
Thought he'd find it in a girlfriend,but she just amplified the chaos.
Thought he would seek 'it' out in sex, but sex just temporarily anaesthesized the emptiness that was consuming him.
The more he srcutinizes, the more fucked up and tangled everything gets.
So why bother he thinks.....he'd rather walk the earth with a fortress for a heart and a plastic smile on his face.

for the children

2005-08-24T12:59:00.000+01:00

You are the best version of us here on this earth.
You are honest, innocent, beautiful in every way,
You are the essence of the human spirit.
You are unafraid and you are all trusting.
You are not malicious but are so loving.
You are everything those of us past the age of 12 aren't.
Don't grow up too fast.
Don't lose that sparkle in your eyes.
Preserve your wonderment of life.
You see beauty in the simplest of things,
We unfortunately have lost that sight.
Don't yearn to be grown up, for I tell you its not all its cracked up to be.
Enjoy your childhood,enjoy your lightness of being.
Revel in the sunshine of your youth and be as silly and as ridiculous as you can.
You only have a few years to be children and the rest of your life will inevitably be a race to grow up.
To the girls,don't worry about make-up and stilletos,they don't make you any prettier than you already are; its the same you .... only in colour.
To the boys,don't think that the earlier you start cursing, beating up on others and making crude jokes, the earlier you hit manhood, that just ain't how it works fellas.
You are the light of the world.
Preserve your souls for you are our only hope.
You are the world's oasis of redemption.
You are our children.
You are our angels.

the fine red line

2005-08-22T09:57:00.000+01:00

It is very commonly found that those who have intelligence that is above that of the average person tend to experience some form of mental or emotional instability.... perhaps even bordering on insanity occasionally. Is insanity responsible for their genius or is the culprit of their mental anguish in fact this extreme intelligence?Take for example, John Nash Jr., he was plagued with paranoid schizophrenia for most of his life. He was a visionary who saw things from a completely different perspective... that's what genius is essentially about-the ability to see and appreciate what 90% of the population doesn't.His insight into the Theory of Numbers was unparalleled and his idea of the Game Theory earned him the Nobel Prize in Economics. All this however came at a price- and that was this mental disease.
Would he still be a gifted mathematician if he were of sound mind?
Would his mental faculties have been preserved had he been of moderate intelligence?
That example is at the extreme end of the spectrum. Others with intelligence beyond the ordinary man may display various idiosyncrasies, and people who don't understand them and cannot appreciate their insights label these uniques as crazy freaks. Its human nature- we condemn that which we cannot understand, it’s the only way we know how to deal with it!
And what is crazy anyway? Excluding organic mental disorders such as schizophrenia and depression, anything anyone does that strays away from the norm is categorized as crazy....freakish ..... weirdo...... I think you get the picture. And who is it that says what is and isn't the norm? That would be the society in general. Over the thousands of years of human mental evolution, we have come up with a fixed set of rules- the right way to think, the right way to dress, the right way to walk and talk, the right way to be!!!
Don't get me wrong, yes there are fundamental human principles that we have to abide by to avoid total societal chaos and destruction (then again in the after thought, despite all these rules,could we find in a more abysmal state than we already are in????)Per usual I digress.... so as I was saying, the moment we challenge the polyclonal lifestyle that everyone is snuggled in, all comfortably numb, we would be the "crazy freak!!" or any
smart-ass nicknames they can come up with.
Folks like John Nash Jr, Einstein, Socrates, Van Gogh etc were brave and they dared to be different. They're kind of different was not the attention seeking,-look at me- sort of different, but it was a difference that gave birth to amazing ideas, that made man question their conscience (and for that Socrates was condemned to death), and showed us that art not necessarily had to be confined to specific parameters..... Van Gogh painted 'outside the lines'.Maybe, we need to stand on the sidelines from time to time, take a look from a different angle, only then will we be able to see the big picture.
On a slightly different note- perhaps those with that heightened sense of insight and intellect have variations in their neuroanatomy and physiology. Maybe there are extra/deficient chemical reactions that manifest as genius at one end and as mental lability on the other.?
Or alternatively, these people maximize their brain power the best they can, tipping the balance, thus resulting in a colourful array of eccentricities which at its worst would be a complete downward spiral into madness. Is it one or the other or a little bit of both?
I'd give anything to see what someone like Einstein thought.... how he thought, how he saw the world and science..... to experience a moment of divine inspiration, however fleeting it might be. Now that would be something.
As naive as this might sound, I think all of us have a dormant potential to be genius-like. They say solitude is the school of genius and I couldn’t agree more because I think its only that way that we will actually hear ourselves think and only then will the creative force within us be unleashed. I think, given the right stimuli, encouragement and attitude, who knows, maybe our minds might reach unbelievable altitudes. The only thing you might be concerned about is not crossing that fine red line so far that you lose sight of it altogether.

intermission II

2005-08-01T14:01:00.000+01:00

Lines from some of my legendary favourites..........

A census taker once tried to test me.
I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
-silence of the lambs-

"I'm sorry I'm late..... were you waiting long?"
"All my life!"
-havana-

Ian: Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.
-jurassic park;Directed by Steven Spielberg, screenplay by Michael Crichton and David Koepp.

Zoe: How do you write women so well?
Melvin: I think of a man and take away reason and accountability.

Simon(to Helen): You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.

Melvin: Sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.

-as good as it gets; Directed by James L. Brooks, screenplay by Mark Andrus-

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?
Dr. Emmet Brown: Precisely.
Marty McFly: Wow, this is heavy.
Dr. Emmet Brown: There's that word again, "heavy." Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?
-back to the future;Directed by Robert Zemeckis, screenplay by Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale-

Isaac Davis: She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.

Yale: You are so self-righteous, you know. I mean we're just people. We're just human beings, you know? You think you're God.
Isaac Davis: I... I gotta model myself after someone.
-manhattan; Directed by Woody Allen, screenplay by Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman.-

William Parrish: It's hard to let go isn't it?
Joe Black: Yes it is, Bill.
William Parrish: Well, that's life.
-meet joe black; Directed by Martin Brest, screenplay adaptation by Walter Ferris.-

Freak: You need a brain and I need legs, and the Wizard of Oz doesn't live in South Cincinatti.
-the mighty;Directed by Peter Chelsom, screenplay by Charles Leavitt-

Ouiser: He's a real gentleman, I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it.
-steel magnolias;Directed by Herbert Ross, screenplay by Robert Harling-

Tom Booker: I didn't love her because it was right; I just loved her.
-the horse whisperer;Directed by Robert Redford-

Monty: Why did you say that I was a loser?
Simon: Winners forget they're in a race, they just love to run. You try too hard.
-with honours; Directed by Alek Keshishian,screenplay by William Mastrosimone-

love by heart

2005-07-25T09:45:00.000+01:00

Dearest Katherine
Time has burnt the hours of the night away. Its my last day here in the desert, and I did not want to waste it in the dullness of sleep. Instead, I sat on a sand dune and tried to map your face in the landscape of stars that I was blanketed by. Though I have never seen you, I try and picture the woman you are by the letters you write. The way you describe what eating a pear feels like...the way you talk about a love divine, that ages like fine wine. I may not know your face but I know your heart .
Yours Always.

He heard her on 'Lunch by Poetry' over the radio one afternoon, in the blistering heat of Marekesh. In a deep, sultry voice, she was reciting verses from one of his favourites, Tagore. The poem was 'Where the Mind is Without Fear' and the words came to life as they took flight from her lips.
After lunch, the journalist, with his heart in his hand made his way through the dusty streets,destination radio station, where he hoped to find 'the voice'.
Upon arrival, he asked around for her, sadly as all love stories would have it, she had just left for the airport,taking a trip to the-manager-couldn't-remember-where.
"She'll be back in 2 months, come back then if you want to", he said with the flippancy of an emotionally challenged lard ass.
As you can imagine, the writer heard the dissappointment he felt. In 2 months, he would be in New York,on another assignment. 'Life's a bitch' he thought.
Before leaving, he enquired as to her name and the address of the station.
He left Morrocco the following day, travelling through Tripoli,Tunis, the Algiers,trying to lose himself to the mysticism of these places.

Time flew and soon he was in the Big Apple, doing a story on Professor Robert Coles, a brilliant child psychiatrist. They say time heals all.... well they obviously didn't know what they were talking about. Since he had left Morrocco, he had written Katherine countless letters, with the infinite and aching hope that she might reply when she returns home.

It was Thursday, 18th of March....exactly 2 months. 'Katherine returns'......he thought to himself. His heart smiled inside that she would find his letters. His heart shivered at the thought that she might not read them. All he could do was wait..... just as he had done all this time.

Everynight after dinner, she sat on her porch and read his letters against the backdrop of the setting sun, a menage a trois so perfect and pure.

Life ceased to be a bitch the day he saw the Morroccan stamp peeping out from the stack of other insignificant mail. The elation he felt was indescribable as he dove for the envelope, ripped it open and abandoned himself to her words. The paper was laden with scents that brought him back to Morrocco that night.

So, this correspondence carried on for months. To a certain extent, they were both procastinating to meet, afraid that it might mar the perfection they had.
She often wondered how he could be in love with someone whose face he never saw.
He wondered whether he was crazy to think that this was a something real and tangible.
Over the months, they had come to know each other by heart. It was a love based on faith in each other and the essence of their souls. It was a love of spiritual dimensions.
Should we be so lucky as to experience the divinity of such a feeling.

Eventually 2 1/2 years passed, and they agreed to meet at Gran Cafe de Paris in Tangier.
She would have a white daisy in her hair and a book on her lap.
He flew to back to Morrocco, a journey that felt like he was returning home.
Never would he have imagined his life to have unravelled the way it has.
He walked towards the cafe that afternoon, and as he approached,
there she was .....his one true north.......the woman whose voice had hypnotized him. She could not have been more radiant in his eyes. Thick hair, as black as midnight, twisted into a careless bun. Ocean green eyes that held infinity and a smile that seemed so familiar.
The daisy was snug behind her ear and the book 'The Home and The World' by Rabindrath Tagore was on her lap.He smiled.

As she was wheelchair bound, she could not rise to greet him, so the journalist, with all the love in his heart got down on his knees and hugged her, whispering 'It's about time'.

Disclaimer: All events and persons portrayed are fictional and any similarities are of complete coincidence.

References: The Home and The World by Rabindrath Tagore
Where the Mind is Without Fear by Rabindrath Tagore

my favourite things

2005-07-14T13:14:00.001+01:00

music the sound of rain fall at night vannila icecream
hazelnut cookies sting quiet time beards
converse mummy's pork vindaloo fighting with arul e doogie&tiger
writing frisbee games the strokes
the seaside tom yam soup the colour white
jazz children's laughter kinderbuenno
portobello street michael jackson playing tic tac toe
hackie sacks the smell of vanilla shaggy hair climbing rocks
drums water coke(drink not powder)
drawing clouds new york city
ballet my quilt quirky t-shirts
watching skateboarding,rock and roll, sarcastic banter with donovan hot chocolate
white chocolate cheesecake neil diamond the smell of the sea
cantaloop the smell of cut grass the dawn hugs
wrestling coffee letters
white daisies books chris botti basketball lazy sunday afternoons
eleven minutes stars cooking
joni mitchell chess kierkegaard
log cabins full fridges the bass
salvador dali movies brontosauruses playing the piano
water fights pigs pancakes beach-volleyball laughing(appropriately)

i don't like mondays

2005-07-11T12:06:00.000+01:00

The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna go to school today,
She's going to make them stay at home.
And daddy doesn't understand it,
He always said she was as good as gold.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

The telex machine is kept so cleanAs it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,Father's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn toTheir own little girl.
Sweet 16 ain't so peachy keen,No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
And then the bullhorn crackles,And the captain crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to die?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

-the boomtown rats-

with the snap of a finger

2005-07-05T17:55:00.000+01:00

It was one of the most over whelming sights to have beheld. I did contemplate how tiresome it might be to write up yet another piece on this monumental event, seeing as the media has already covered the grounds..........but hey I couldn't help myself!!!
First and foremostly, Bob Geldof is an absolute LEGEND! And its not just because of his efforts in organizing Live Aid in 1985 and the recent Live 8 in Hyde Park. From interviews he's given and articles/a book he wrote, he seems to be a very real,-what you see is what you get-kinda person. I love the fact that he's completely candid and calls it as he sees it. Doesn't care about who he's talking about or what he's talking about...if he has an opinion about something, you're gonna hear it! He's one of those people who's not buggered down by popularity votes and all that shite. To top it off, the Irish accent!!!! Lovely!!!!!

Live 8 was a series of 10 simultaneous concerts that spanned the G8 nations and South Africa.
The turn out was incredible......and the performances...well the multitudes that flocked to the events in the respective countries were treated to an epic evening, especially in Hyde Park where the line up was made up with the likes of U2, STING!!!!, Madonna, PINK FLOYD!!PINK FLOYD...thye last time they performed was about 20 odd years ago!!!!!

Sting...ah Sting..... as always he put up a mesmerizing show, didn't say anything..just came on stage, did his thing and gracefully bowed out.

Throughout,the concert was highlighted with various video clips of the situation in Africa. Reading about it in the news and literature is one thing but when you see footage of the horrors going on there... its just...NO WORDS.

So yeah, with all that said, hopefully the concerts and the summits and all the tireless campaigns have rubbed off on all of us and some sort of difference will be made. That's all there is to say really!

rapture

2005-06-29T00:10:00.001+01:00

for alien

Mesmerising, liberating, emotional, unbelievably satisfying.......that's what the art of dance means to me. I did ballet for 9 years before and those 2 hour classes twice a week were amazing breaks from the hum drum of my daily existence.
You went to the class, did the plies, did the pa da chats,tried to do splits(operative word here being tried!!!).....got told off by the archetypal perfectionist ballet teacher for not holding your head up, or not turning out your feet as a ballerina should.....and worst of all, for forgetting the routines..........SACRILEGE!!!!
Nevertheless, it was alllllllllllllllllllll worth it!
Whether your dancing the Swan Lake, or trying to do the Moon Walk.......dance in my opinion can be one of the most fulfilling and beautiful ways of self expression.
You could be dancing in the street or against an opulent backdrop on a larger than life stage, but that does not diminish the aesthetic value of this art form.
Even a fight can be perceived as a type of dance.....one that is spontaneously being choreographed second by second.
Haha! Confucius once said "Never give a sword to man who can't dance" .........now whether he meant that literally or not , I don't know,but if you think about it, even a sword fight is a dance in its own right. ....one with a rather fatal end.

With that said, even life is a dance....well it can be if you want it to be.
A beautiful, intoxicating, passionate waltz....tango.... samba....ballet...whatever rocks your boat. Live in the now and embrace all of IT......... enjoy this dance while the music is still playing.
For so many of us, the music fades out too early and that's when life turns clockwork.

So yeah, free your minds and let loose!
Dance like no one's watching.
Dance like a whirling dervish.
Doesn't matter if you can't dance....no one give's a rat's ass.
Just get up and shake that ass!