walking with Springsteen

for they who were my patients and my doctors

As doctors, we are bound by our consciences and by the Hippocratic oath to do no harm,care for the weary and ill and to spread warmth and compassionate to those who need it the most. The sick and helpless look to us for consolation, for answers.... and most importantly for hope. Hope that one day, they will stop vomitting their insides out, hope that their almost disappearing systolic pressures will rise to 3 digit figures, hope that one day they ill feel whole and be able to walk again.

I am 25, a still raw specimen to the realities of life. I started out at this whole doctoring business, apprehensive as to whether or not I would cut it as a doctor, petrified that I might unwittingly kill a patient, and hopeful that Hipprocrates would one day, looking down from above, say "Ahhh yes!! You have now proven yourself worthy to be called DOCTOR!"

Four months down the line and one precious lesson (among many) that I have learnt is that patients may drain us of our resources, both mentally and physically, but yet at the end of the day, when I leave the hospital at the and of the day, I walk out smiling on the inside. Smiling because Mrs. A has finally moved her bowels, much to her relief.. smiling because I watched a grown man go from crying in pain to hugging everyone in sight,on the wards, because we succesfully tweaked his painkillers..he is now a new man.
These patients give back so much in so many ways without even realising it... we don't even realise it.

Over the last month, on really busy days, when all hell seemed to be on the verge of breaking loose, I found solace by sitting with one particular patient. Complications during surgery rendered him partially hemiplegic, but the smile he had for me whenever I walked into the room was priceless. 10 minutes was all it took for him to work his magic.. we talked about Springteen's latest album.. about his grandchildren.. about how his rehab was going... and about how he was determined to walk again. 10 minutes a day with the endearing old man and I was rejuvenated, ready face the rest of the hours.

Last week, as I was walking out of the wards, I see a figure, slightly hunched over this zimmer frame, heading towards me...IT IS MR.Z, slowly shuffling along, beaming with pride and a smile that I will never forget. He had is headphones on, and as he passed me by, I struggled for something to say... words could not do justice to the feeling of surprise and joy that I wanted to express. I ended up asking him, "What are you listening to?" All he said was,"MAGIC..2nd track.", winked and carried on his way. Ahhh yes of course, Bruce! Silly me!
He has now left for home, no doubt he'll be walking for Scotland.

This are the little gifts patients give to us all.Lessons on patience, hope, faith. They are stark reminders of how fragile life is.
They keep me laughing and though I have a long long long way to go, it is because of these precious people that I will always love what I do.